El Cerrito, still standing but denied a real sunrise

​This morning's magnitude 4 earthquake terrified pets and sleepy folks across the East Bay, but it appears to have done no damages, unless we're counting a brief closure of BART, the interruption of sleep schedules, and-- over the course of a long, helpless, 30 seconds or so of the earth rattling and grinding -- a reminder that we should all take some disaster preparedness course or something soon, so that when the inevitable finally does happen we'll not just be dashing about in our underpants shouting "Shit!" 

In short, it felt like God cannonballing into the hills.

While it was categorized as a 4.6 immediately after roiling the very foundations of East Bay civilization, the 5:33 a.m. El Cerrito-centered quake was later ruled a 4.0. El Cerrito and the East Bay, meanwhile, are so fog-thick this morning that San Francisco is impossible to spot. Perhaps San Franciscans should assure East Bay-types that San Francisco is still there, maybe by sending a photo of it holding today's Chronicle.

Follow us on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF and @SFWeekly

It's that guy again

​Dear Anonymous:

We bow to your power and wisdom. You have the technical prowess to bring down the mighty. You are the true leaders of the world.

You have been running a campaign against our public transportation system, BART, for weeks now, asking for some of its leaders to be fired and its police to be publicly humiliated because a former member of its force shot a homeless guy with a knife. 

Thank you! We hear your words about accountability, but we have learned more from your actions, like forcing the most crowded stations to close so nobody can go home. You have shown us that public transportation is a horrible idea, rife with homeless people with knives, as well as police, who are beneath contempt.

We have heard you loud and clear. From now on, we will drive everywhere. We used to worry about gridlock, but you have taught us that that is your goal.
More >>

Barack "Hitler" Obama will destroy California via earthquakes.

​
We popped out of the SF Weekly offices to run into Safeway at Fourth and King streets this afternoon, when we noticed two overly cheerful young people staffing a Lyndon LaRouche table outside the grocery store.

Or, to be more precise, we noticed their sign, which featured President Barack Obama with a Hitler mustache across his upper lip.More >>

​Oh, deer!

Follow us on Twitter @sfweekly and @TheSnitchSF
More >>

​ More >>

Andy Wright, snapped at Market and Castro

You know how many Q-tips I could get for that?

​For $75, we hope they wash behind the ears.
More >>