Blogs

By John Geluardi

The last bohemian valet operation in North Beach was shut down last week to make way for a more “professional” company that insists on time cards, good grooming and smart uniforms.

The owner of North Beach Restaurant Lorenzo Petroni lost the lease on a nearby parking lot forcing him to sign a contract with the new company, Liberty Park Management, which has access to a parking garage several blocks from the restaurant.

On March 24, the longtime car jockeys handed over their corner in front of the restaurant at Stockton Street and Columbus Avenue where for 35 years dozens of artists, poets, actors, playwrights, free spirits and restless dreamers were able to etch out a living as outrider valets.

A new, aggressive staph infection has already affected San Francisco with the Chronicle reporting that the virulent infection has hit everyone from homeless people to schoolkids and “can attack organs throughout the body, forcing doctors to amputate fingers, toes and limbs.” A January New York Times article reports that the artificial turf used in some public parks can be a fertile breeding ground for staph. If you guessed where this is going, you’re right. Photos of San Francisco’s Silver Terrace Playfield showing matter failing to decompose properly on artificial turf have surfaced. Witness all the moldy glory here.
— Andy Wright (photo from sfparks.googlepages.com)

5) Goth-Punk Icon Siouxsie Sioux Maintains Her Provocative Edge - Music

4) Dan White's Motive More About Betrayal Than Homophobia - Feature Story

3) The SF Weekly vs. Bay Guardian Lawsuit Category - The Snitch

2) Slacker Guys and Striver Girls - When lazy men become projects for career women - Feature Story

(Click 'More' to See the #1 story)

Just in case you were running low on pics of black gay runaways trying to out-vogue each other, check it out. Click here for a slideshow from the catwalk. Then read the torrid story by Lauren Smiley. Photos by Eartha Goodwin

The results are in, and you, the reader, are lying when you say you want hard news and analysis. We have the numbers. You click on glory holes, beardos, and technical stories about the #1 porn file-sharing program in the World. So don't give us any of your high-minded shit. We don't want to hear it.

The Top Ten Stories on SF Weekly this Week Are:

10. Chris Rock Brings "No Apologies Tour" to SF April 3 and 4

9. Justice to Throw Massive SF Dance Party with Diplo in March

8. SF Weekly vs. Bay Guardian Lawsuit Updates

(Click 'More' for the #1 story)

By Joe Eskenazi

Amazing scenes were witnessed today at the San Francisco Zoo, when alleged aggressive panhandling from a homeless man induced an episode of “Roid Rage” in Barry the steroidal Siberian tiger. The cat escaped his pen and set the Major League Zoo record for maulings with 73, before being shot dead while putting the finishing touches on former Supervisor Ed Jew.

The rampage comes on the heels of a Chronicle investigation of illegal supplements provided to animals via the Bay Area Laboratory Zoo Co-Operative (BALZCO); Barry had been receiving packages of Tiger Growth Hormone since 2002, according to leaked grand jury testimony. Other zoo animals linked to BALZCO include Giambi the elephant, Romo the rhino, and Marion the cheetah.

Reginald Jackson, the homeless man who allegedly touched off the deadly rampage, was profiled last month in a front-page column by C.W. Nevius, “You Know What Grinds My Gears? Homeless People Ruining My Commute from Walnut Creek, That’s What.”

After Jackson told San Francisco police he would “rather die” than leave his Golden Gate park encampment and head to a homeless shelter, Nevius noted, “Well, if he would rather die, he had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”

Jackson is a former Oakland resident (see Chip Johnson’s column in the Bay Area section blaming Mayor Ron Dellums for Jackson’s behavior). After a prolonged legal struggle...

The final picture taken of Torrey Kretschman in his life, snapped at Sunday's 49ers game.
By Joe Eskenazi

If you Google the name “Torrey Kretschman,” you’ll find dozens if not hundreds of articles with headlines containing the clauses “falls to his death” “Monster Park” and “49ers game.”

Sadly, this has been Kretschman’s hello and goodbye to the world at large. He’s the man who died. His violent death at Sunday’s game has overshadowed his 31 years of life.

For those who knew him when he lived, it’s a maddening turn of events.

“Infuriating is a better word for me,” said lifelong friend Jodi Bazemore. “Torrey is now known as the man who fell — not Torrey the way the family knows him.”

The first thing you would have noticed about Torrey was...

Dude, you were too old to be riding that thing, and now God punished you. Yes, we're insensitive. But you would be fine if someone like us had shamed you off that thing prior to today's mishap. Remember, hated readers: If your balls have hair on them, you are too old to ride a Razor Scooter:
From the Examiner today:

"A man riding a Razor scooter this morning was hit by a car as he crossed the street at Folsom and Main streets in San Francisco ... The 45-year-old man was transported to San Francisco General Hospital. ... The extent of the man’s injuries was unknown."

—David Downs

From the AP's 'Calls in Sudan for Execution of Briton':

Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad."

Fozzy Bear from Sesame Street just called us with a comment on the evolving situation in Sudan:

"Cultural relativism, my hairy ass. These zealots deserve every last smart bomb that finds them. Ditto for Catholic pederasts, Christian fag draggers, Jewish neocons, and all the other intolerant religious fucks that make this world the latrine it is. I'm tired of this shit. What is this, the dark ages? Muhammad was an asshole. Jesus was a prick. And Buddha was a big fat pussy. When can we move on?!"

The fat (mannish) lady has sung!

San Francisco's big, old classic Drag Queen show hosted by Heklina, Trannyshack, is throwing in the wig, according to SFist:

On Heklina's MySpace page, she tells us that she plans on shutting down Trannyshack -- San Francisco's longest-running (alternative-y) drag show, etcetera -- soon. Very soon. Heklina says, "I need to feel challenged and no longer feel I have the focus to continue doing a weekly drag night-club much longer." And although her appearances won't stop, the Tuesday night destination for many homos and tranny-chasers will. ... By the end of December, or the beginning of January I will be announcing the date of the big blowout, which will be a massive Miss Trannyshack Pageant/Wigstock scale farewell bash featuring Trannyshack performers past and present, as well as some special guest stars.

Google, Yahoo, Oracle -- see they're not all Aspy dudes. Today the WSJ paid alimony to all the powerful shorties out there holding it down in da boardroom. We bow to your superior uterine supremacy.

From the WSJ 50 Women to Watch 2007:

Here are the women we believe have the potential to make a significant impact on business in the year ahead. ... 7. Mulcahy, Anne, Xerox Corp. chairman and chief executive Anne Mulcahy is leading Xerox down a new path after one of the company's biggest acquisitions in years. ... 9. Whitman, Margaret C. "Meg", eBay Inc., President and CEO, In the midst of overseeing a reinvention of the global electronic-commerce company. ... 14. Livermore, Ann, Hewlett-Packard Co., Executive Vice President, One of three women on Hewlett-Packard's executive team, Ann Livermore is responsible for boosting growth at the company's largest business.

(Yusaf Bey IV, Oakland crime tumor)

Yeah! F, you, Richmond! You're only number 9! I love these b.s. crime Top Tens, and so do you!:

After Oakland, at No. 4., came Camden, N.J.; Birmingham, Ala.; North Charleston, S.C.; Memphis, Tenn.; Richmond; and Cleveland. Landing in the top 10 in the 2007 rankings, which were based on the Federal Bureau of Investigation's crime data for 2006, is not shocking for Oakland.

Good to see the dirty dirty holding it down as well.

This just in from the Mayor's Office:

Mayor Gavin Newsom announced that the production of the feature film Milk is slated to film entirely in San Francisco beginning in January 2008. Academy Award-winning director Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting, My Own Private Idaho) will direct the biographical drama, and the film will star Academy Award-winning Bay Area resident Sean Penn as gay-rights icon Harvey Milk.

Initial reactions: Damn, the City of San Francisco is loving this opportunity to look all gay-friendly and inclusive again. I personally feel sorry for any producer who has to get permits and film in this NIMBY hellhole. "Hello, Police. There's people in my front yard and they have lights and a generator that is noisy!"

And just remember citizens, being inclusive is fine as long as it means not including any military productions.
Full press release after the jump.

This week, The SF Weekly examines the 'Knocked Up' scenario of the loser guy and the succesful women who enable them. As a web extra, we present:

-- From Chaplin to 'Knocked Up' -- A Timeline of Cinema Slackers

-- Professions Where Women Are Making More Money Than Men. An xls.

-- Cities Where Women Have Control of the Checkbook. An xls.

-- How Women Make More than Men in New York. An xls.

Today's popular, front-page Chronicle contention that there's a shortage of cheap, talented, experienced chefs willing to work for low pay in San Francisco is more retarded than a CCA drop-out.

Who are her sources?

Craigslist. Hmm. A dash of eatery owners and some anecdotes. Irrelevant. There's no real data showing a lack of cooks for SF! Her argument can be applied to any industry in SF. For example:
Editors Decry Lack of Cheap, Talented Experienced [[Insert Occupation -- Reporters]] Willing to Work for Low Pay. Now you try the madlib with any other job.

Face it. It's always hard to find good people. That's a proverb. It's not news. So bad, Chronicle! No cookie.

--David Downs