San Francisco News Blog

Ah the joys of vacation.

It's been weeks, literally weeks, since I've asked myself "What was David Chiu thinking?"

I have asked myself "What was Gavin Newsom thinking?" but only because people keep coming up to me and asking: "what the hell is with the mayor?"

I'm going to tell you two things you need to know, people: First, stop asking me that.

Second, if you think that someone who follows Gavin Newsom's career understands him any better than a tourist from Idaho who says "Your mayor must spend a lot of time on his hair," you're fooling yourself. The man's an enigma with a comb. 

If anyone can understand the byzantine ways of City Hall, however, it is this week's guest writer -- Examiner political columnist and analyst Melissa Griffin.

Melissa is a lawyer by training, which means she has an edge over almost every working reporter: she knows how to do something. But you can't be taught to have the kind of analytical mind and political instincts that she brings to her work every week. That's just pure talent. Character for character, she is one of the best informed political writers in the city. 

My only regret is that there aren't more meetings for her to cover this week.  

 

- Benjamin

 

As a loyal reader of Benjamin's column, I'm thrilled to be writing GovInaction this week! Let's get started...

 

Monday, February 8

 

10:30 a.m. -- City Operations & Neighborhood Services Committee

There are only two items on the agenda and each requires the board to accept grant money. The time it takes you to read this sentence is longer than this meeting will last.

 

1:00 p.m. -- Land Use and Economic Development Committee

 

Here's how I picture it: About a year ago, former supervisor Aaron Peskin was driving around looking for parking in the neighborhood where he lives -- Telegraph Hill. Because there are so many driveways, finding street parking is a bitch.

Cue to 2010, David Chiu has proposed a law that severely restricts (and in some cases, eliminates) the right of residential property owners to install driveways and garages on their property in Telegraph Hill, North Beach and Chinatown.

It's magical. Problem solved.

If only Peskin had a problem with homeless people...

Hello government watchers:

I understand there was a sighting of a red-crested Avalos last week! Very exciting! I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you to share such a great moment.

However, I do have exciting news.

No longer am I going to waste my vacation with frivolous pursuits like finding the lost city of gold or having my picture taken next to the world's largest doughnut. (It's huge! The glaze can be seen from space!) Instead, I will devote all my free time to self-improvement.

Already I've learned how to actualize my positive earning potential by unleashing the secret affirmation of my higher consciousness' inner confidence to set goals that go the distance to personal transformation through weight loss enriched spirituality energy supplements that vitalize my chakras while detoxifying my spine's reflexology through better sex.

You can see how this would take up all my time.

This week's Gov InAction won't suffer a bit, though, because it's written by Matt Baume, who I regard as one of the Internet's few natural resources. Matt first came to my attention with his insightful analysis of 2008's Prop 8 defeat, and I've read everything of his I could find ever since.

Pay attention now. He's making government funny just for you.

- Benjamin

 

Fact: the members of the Board of Supervisors meet to talk about governing and such at least once a week. Really!

Will this finally be the week that they accomplish something? Probably not, but we salute their undying optimism. Keep plugging away, noble supervisors! You'll get the hang of it one of these days.

Highlights of this week's meetings: advice for felons, Strangelovian restrictions on smoking, and ending the inexplicable practice of paying Muni drivers as though they're the best in the country.

 
Monday, February 1, 1:00pm -- Land Use and Economic Development Committee

It's going to get ever-so-slightly more difficult to get permission to install a garage North Beach, Chinatown, and Nob Hill. Now you'll need to get a special permit; the required parking-space minimum will decrease; driveways will be prohibited in a few spots; and you won't be able to get a permit to block the sidewalk when installing a new garage. These are dark days indeed for enthusiasts of parking garages.

 

Oh bleary eyed passengers on San Francisco's ship of fools:

I have to say I'm getting quite the kick out of my vacation. Last week I went a whole six days without thinking of Sean Elsbernd!  Honestly, life is too short to think about Sean Elsbernd. I don't know how he does it.

Instead, I am spending my time in the Sierra Foothills, searching for El Dorado, the Lost City of Gold. I hope to find it, and gain two things:

     1)  Gold

     2)  Insight into how they handle zoning permits.

There must be so much we can learn from them. 

In the meantime, I leave you in extremely good hands.  This week's guest writer is none other than Paul Hogarth, managing editor of the influential website Beyond Chron. When it comes to understanding San Francisco government, Paul is the analyst's analyst, combining a keen knowledge of the city with an idealist's passion and a statesman's view. 

If someone has to think about Sean Elsbernd, I'd like it to be Paul. Enjoy, and I'll see you next week.

-- Benjamin

 

After a relatively uneventful week (which my friend Greg Dewar did a good job summarizing), this week's Board of Supervisors agenda is jam-packed with goodies. So good, that the agenda for Thursday's Rules Committee (which I've been told should be interesting) isn't even available yet. But never fear ... there's plenty other stuff to keep us busy:

 

Monday, January 25  

 

10:30 a.m. - City Operations & Neighborhood Services Committee

 

Sean Elsbernd has a "do-not-feed-the-animals" ordinance stemming from a local man's attempt to feed himself to the animals. It's a pretty mild amendment to the Parks Code, raising fines for "disorderly conduct" and adding more naughty things we won't be allowed to do. It makes it illegal to enter the Bison Paddock at Golden Gate Park or enclosures at the S.F. Zoo without staff permission -- or to feed undomesticated animals. It also adds "taunt" and "endanger" to the things we are currently banned from doing to these animals: a list that includes "hunt, chase, shoot, trap, discharge or throw missiles at, molest, disturb, capture, injure or destroy." (I wonder if "taunt" includes religious harassment.)

 

Dear Alleged Readers: I'm burned out on politics. The meetings, the hearings, the the petty egos ... and that's just Bevan Dufty's schedule last week. I need to take a break.

So over the next several weeks I'll be asking some of my favorite local analysts, writers, bloggers, and personalities to pick up the onerous duty of keeping track of the supervisors and mocking them when appropriate. I'm very much looking forward to hearing what they have to say.

We start this week with Greg Dewar, the man behind the influential N-Judah Chronicles and one of San Francisco's most trenchant political minds, who also happens to almost be my neighbor. It's my pleasure to welcome him to this space.

Meanwhile I'm going to stay productive in my downtime. In addition to getting some much needed R&R, I'm also going to be working on a new cover story for SF Weekly that I'm very excited about. It's called "The Worst Run Big City Deli in the U.S.." It's going to make people rethink how much they pay for cold cuts, and I'm going to blow the lid off black forest ham. I don't think the Guardian will appreciate my chart about coleslaw, but I am determined to speak tangy truth to power. Especially about side dishes.

I leave this week in politics in  Greg's capable hands. 

 

      - Benjamin

 
If someone ever writes a book entitled Things San Francisco Political Nerds Like, it will inevitably contain a chapter called "Writing about Board of Supervisors Agendas." That's not meant as a dig -- it's simply true. Every Friday the agendas for all the various committees are posted online, and people can start figuring out what the board will or won't be doing, and judge as appropriate.

(It's too bad you can't do the same for the mayor's office, but I guess that's a benefit of being mayor.)

 

Monday, Jan. 11

 

10:30 a.m. - City Operations and Neighborhood Services committee

 

There is so little going on at this meeting that physicists have yet to quantify an amount this small.

 
1 p.m. - Land use & Economic Development Committee

When local small business owners spend years complaining, the result is a meeting like this one. Four out of the six measures on the agenda are designed to help local and/or small local businesses get more contracts and money from the city. Why? Because we're San Francisco, damn it: We believe in putting local people first, and efficiency last.

 

Monday, January 4, 10 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

 

I'm curious: Have the Board of Supervisors ever voted to turn down grant money?

I ask because the city gets grant money all the time for various projects -- most of which involve helping poor and oppressed people help well off progressives feel good about how much they're doing to help poor and oppressed people -- and the Board of Supervisors has to vote to accept the money each time.

Today, for instance, four out of seven items on the agenda for the Public Safety Committee involve accepting money to fund programs for things like outreach to victims of domestic who don't speak English and supporting former prisoners attempting re-entry into society.

So I'm wondering: Has the city ever turned down grant money? Because if this really is just the pro-forma item that it always seems to be, couldn't we just amend the city charter to read: "Section 1(a): The City and County of San Francisco is a black hole where money goes. If offered, we accept it. Automatically. Receipts are available from the Board Clerk upon request."

Because it would really streamline city business.

It's been a fascinating year in San Francisco, full of such deep revelations. I think we've all learned a lot, and at this time of year, when we reflect on how our lives went so horribly wrong, I think it's good to take stock of the wisdom we've gained from the story of our fair city. 

      Lesson 1: the worse a crisis gets, the less likely something gets done about it.

San Francisco's current financial crisis could be seen from so far away that the ancient Mayans put in on their calendar. For all our talk about environmentalism and sustainability, it simply hasn't penetrated that the way we run our city is obviously unsustainable.

We haven't just been ignoring the obvious, we've been defriending it and deleting its contact information from our phones. This is why we're constantly lurching from budget crisis to budget crisis for the same damn reasons every year.

It's been a fascinating year in San Francisco, full of such deep revelations. I think we've all learned a lot, and at this time of year, when we reflect on how our lives went so horribly wrong, I think it's good to take stock of the wisdom we've gained from the story of our fair city.

Lesson 4: comebacks happen.

I could just say two words, "Jerry Brown," and leave it at that. But it's worth noting that other politicians have emerged from the ashes on a smaller yet still significant scale.
Chris Daly has fallen to rise again so many times you'd think he's a circus acrobat; Gavin Newsom fell, and fell, and fell this year - yet as the year ends, he appears poised to claw his way back into relevance. His recent public appearances have been (by all accounts) good; his last rounds of decisions made him look relevant and in charge; he's managed to restrict his YouTube habit to 12 minute chunks, which, while boring, aren't so boring; and in suddenly giving a shout-out to Beth Spotswood he demonstrated more sense of humor about himself in 30 seconds than we've seen in the last three years. If he learns from that, he could be formidable again.

Could this be a new Gavin Newsom? It's early yet, and my inclination is to say no, but I wouldn't bet on it: comebacks happen.

There are other lessons from the year, of course, but our fifth lesson "Boredom sets in quickly," prevents me from listing any others.

If you have any good ideas for lessons learned from 2009, however, please leave them in the comments section: let me learn from you.

There are no more meetings, and I'll be taking a break until the Supervisors return in 2010.

All my best, and thanks for reading.

Follow us on Twitter at @sfweekly.

It's been a fascinating year in San Francisco, full of such deep revelations. I think we've all learned a lot, and at this time of year, when we reflect on how our lives went so horribly wrong, I think it's good to take stock of the wisdom we've gained from the story of our fair city.
 

Lesson 3: on the job training doesn't make for good governing.

 I criticize the government a lot, so it behooves me to admit at least once a year: I know this stuff ain't easy. Governing is hard.

Even in the best of circumstances, elected officials are trying to balance interests that won't balance on the basis of incomplete information in order to run a civic body with a lot of moving parts. In the world we actually live in, it's hard to pay much attention to governing when your paycheck depends on politics.

This doesn't mean we should keep our standards for government low, but it does mean that we need to understand that even for smart, capable, people the learning curve is steep: rare is the person who can just step into government and be good at it.

That was proven again this year when the Progressive faction, which controls the Board of Supervisors, appointed freshman legislators to the two most powerful positions on the board: President, and Chairman of the Budget Committee.

They appointed two good people. There's a growing political consensus that Board President David Chiu has no soul - but no one doubts that he's a very capable individual. Likewise, much of the San Francisco chattering class is coming to the conclusion that Budget Committee Chairman John Avalos is kind of a pushover - but everyone agrees that he knows his budgets backwards and forwards.

Chiu, then, has the potential to be a very good board president, and Avalos has the stuff of greatness in him as a Budget Committee Chair - but their inexperience as elected officials dulled their virtues and blunted their effectiveness. Their need for on the job training hurt their agenda.

What, after all, did the progressives really accomplish this year on a practical level? Certainly they had the deck stacked against them ... with a hostile mayor, a wafer thin majority, and a fiscal crisis the size of the San Andreas fault: but the answer is still "nothing." Perhaps they kept certain things from happening, and other things from getting worse, but they didn't lay a single footprint down towards their ambitious agenda.

That's not their fault per se: like I said, governing is tough and the deck was stacked against them. But during crucial moments, they stumbled: David Chiu was never able to hold together a coalition of progressives and moderates to make important practical decisions (such as on MUNI's budget), and Avalos got rolled by the Mayor's office when he tried to put progressive priorities into the budget: Avalos knew the budget perfectly, but the Mayor's staff have been doing this for years.

These were not stumbles due to a lack of capacity - they were rookie mistakes ... the kind rookies usually make however good they are. The loss of institutional experience on the board - especially Tom Ammiano and Aaron Peskin - hurt the progressives more than they thought it would.

 This is Part 3 of a multi-part rant. Read the next installment tomorrow.

Follow on @sfweekly.

It's been a fascinating year in San Francisco, full of such deep revelations. I think we've all learned a lot, and at this time of year, when we reflect on how our lives went so horribly wrong, I think it's good to take stock of the wisdom we've gained from the story of our fair city.

There's something appropriate about Gavin Newsom, a virtual mayor if ever there was one, running a virtual campaign for governor. One can't help but think, watching him on YouTube, that the medium truly is the message in a way even Marshall McLuhan never intended. Yes, Gavin talks about policies, but he talks about them the way other actors hold a cigarette: the point isn't his policies, the point is that he's on YouTube. And Twitter. And Facebook.



​
What did he want to do differently as governor, anyway? If there was one central idea being promoted by the Newsom campaign (aside from "I'm young!") it wasn't a policy stand, it was: "Follow me on Twitter!" And people did. More than a million of them. It's not that they didn't like what they saw - but "followers" are a lot less valuable in the digital age than they have been at any other time in history. There is no gravitas on Facebook, or leadership: there are only trends and friends. The Newsom campaign is the most solid experimental proof we have that when you mix the digital world with the political, the rules of the digerati drive the laws of politics off a cliff. The lesson for politicians is that "followers" and "friends" - another term that has lost significant value in the information age - do not translate into votes. The principle ... that human dynamics do not survive digitalization intact ... is one we should all take to heart.

This is Part 2 of a multi-part rant. Read the next installment tomorrow.

You can follow us on Twitter @sfweekly.

 

It's been a fascinating year in San Francisco, full of such deep revelations. I think we've all learned a lot, and at this time of year, when we reflect on how our lives went so horribly wrong, I think it's good to take stock of the wisdom we've gained from the story of our fair city.

      Lesson 1: the worse a crisis gets, the less likely something gets done about it.

San Francisco's current financial crisis could be seen from so far away that the ancient Mayans put in on their calendar. For all our talk about environmentalism and sustainability, it simply hasn't penetrated that the way we run our city is obviously unsustainable.

We haven't just been ignoring the obvious, we've been defriending it and deleting its contact information from our phones. This is why we're constantly lurching from budget crisis to budget crisis for the same damn reasons every year.

 

I'd like to open this week's SF Government InAction with a quote from Nietzsche that I think adequately captures San Francisco as this particular moment in history:

"You want me to pay WHAT for this veggie burrito? God is dead!"

This is no less true today than it was in 1888, when Nietzsche wrote Twilight of the Idols after asking for sour cream on the side. But I can't help thinking that in our hectic modern commercial world, we've lost the true meaning of pessimism.

The days are getting darker, the nights longer, and the holidays stalk us like a Prozac vending machine on wheels. No matter how many holiday parties we attend, there are never enough snickerdoodles to stave off the meaninglessness of life. Yet we keep trying, as if one more fruitless party filled with people we pretend to like will help us escape the dreaded specter of a debilitating old age spent in the very nursing homes we are now defunding.

It won't work. Neither will good alcohol or bad sex, both of which you have to pay exorbitantly for even in this economy. It is a cruel trick of fate that coping mechanisms become more expensive when you need them most. But there you have it: Without the money to drug drug drug our way through the holidays, most of us are actually going to have to pay attention to the families whose toxic influences we moved here to escape. Just try to remember: You're only as fat as your mother thinks.

Don't worry, though: San Francisco's city government is here to save you. After all: If they could end the war in Iraq, surely they can make your hollow emotional life satisfying in some small way.

 

Just to be clear: Last week the Supervisors took several days off to celebrate Thanksgiving. But, being the kind of people who have an extraordinary amount to be thankful for, they are also taking three days off this week, too.

Normally I give the supes a hard time for things like this, what with there being a city to run. And gosh, the Palestinians won't save themselves. They need Ross Mirkarimi. They NEED him.

But not this time: I'm not ready to end my long weekend either. Tryptophan for all, that's what I say.

There are only two meetings this week -- Budget and Finance on Wednesday, at 11 a.m., and Rules Committee on Thursday at 10 a.m. -- and they only have eight items between them.

So let's cut to the chase. Here's what you want to know:

 

Never one to be left out of a media shark attack, I scored my own interview with Gavin Newsom last week to talk about what's next for San Francisco. What follows is the unedited transcript.

BENJAMIN: "Hey, are you Gavin Newsom?"

NEWSOM: "Yeah. It's a pleasure to meet you."

BENJAMIN: "How ... how did you get into my apartment?"

 

Monday, Nov. 16, 2 p.m. - Public Safety Committee

It's an exciting time to be on the Public Safety Committee. Swine flu is rampant, there's a new top cop in town, and SOMEBODY needs to decide if Hugues de La Plaza was: (a) the victim of a grisly murder, or; (b) a committed neat freak to the very end.

The committee will be touching on several of these issues today, in the form of its regularly scheduled crime-n-stuff hearing, as well as approving grants for things like a swine flu "information and guidance team" -- to make sure that, when the swine flu arrives, it will know where all the best hotels are.

But none of this really touches on the greatest threat to public safety in San Francisco: chupacabra, the blood-sucking goat demon of Mexico.

 

I'm worried about the supes. Are they feeling all right? Are they eating enough protein? Are they celebrating legal weed a little too early?

I'm concerned because there's a federal holiday -- Veteran's Day -- right in the middle of the week, and it's the only day the supervisors are taking off. Not the day after, not the day before, not most of the week. Just the one holiday.

Does that sound like them?

No. No it does not. It sounds like something a governing body in a responsible city would do. Have I moved to Minnesota without knowing it?

Nah, that can't be right. It would be snowing in Minnesota, and bicyclists would be polite. They'd see their choice of transportation as purely a choice of transportation, rather than a symbol of moral superiority. That would never happen here.

Well all right then. Good work, Board of Supervisors (assuming this isn't Madison, Wisconsin). Keep it up.

Of course, there's still only four meetings this week, so don't gloat too much.

Monday, Nov. 9

10:30 a.m. - City Operations & Neighborhood Services Committee

 
This committee is only doing four things this week, and half of them involve liquor licenses. That seems like cheating to me, somehow.

 

The news at the end of October was devastating for San Francisco: Trauma and Gavin Newsom for Governor were canceled in the same week.

It's heartbreaking: Both were expensive pilots with such promising premises.

In Trauma, a group of troubled but devil-may-care emergency medical technicians raced through San Francisco saving people from giant fireballs and learning to trust in each others' sex appeal.

In Gavin Newsom for Governor, a devil-may-care San Francisco mayor deeply concerned about the future of California's beverage industry ran for the state's highest office, trying to win the election by focusing the public's attention on how good he looks in a parade.

Where did we go wrong? The public loves sexy giant fireballs and troubled politicians who say things like "Hope!" and "Friend me on Facebook!"

The shows even had crossovers! Jennifer Siebel-Newsom, a regular cast member in Gavin Newsom for Governor actually appeared in the first episode of Trauma! It was brilliant! And Gavin Newsom for Governor's male lead had a baby, for God's sake: What more do you people want?

Both programs went over so well with test audiences. How did they fail?

Anyone who covers politics or television in Say Francisco is contractually obligated to develop a theory about this, so:

 

The moral high ground in San Francisco may be the most valuable real estate of all. Last week Gavin Newsom -- who thumbed his nose at state and federal law on gay marriage -- tried to claim it by saying he couldn't help illegal immigrants because he has too much respect for the law.

The Board of Supervisors also tried to claim the moral high ground by saying that Gavin Newsom -- whom they supported when he thumbed his nose at state and federal law on gay marriage -- has to help immigrants because the city passed a law, damn it, and you must obey the law.

In politics, even the most righteous causes make hypocrites of their crusaders.

It would be hard to top the righteous histrionics of last week, but everyone's going to try: between another round in the argument over how to regulate nightlife, a measure to ban the declawing of cats, reforming lobbying rules, Clean Power SF -- it looks like the supes are going to take the moral high ground and convert the buildings on it into condos so that more of their friends can live there.

By the end of the week, they'll have formed a neighborhood association to keep everyone else out. It's like a Greek tragedy sponsored by ReMax.

 

I've had a really busy few weeks, and I haven't been able to catch up on any of the new fall shows yet. So I tried to cram a lot of television in this weekend while writing SF Gov InAction.

Just so you know.

Monday, Oct. 19,

10 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

Somebody has to say it: the Public Safety Committee we have in San Francisco isn't nearly as good looking as the one they have in CSI Miami.

Can we get them re-cast? I wouldn't mind if the supervisors stay around and occasionally make guest appearances, but, we clearly need a Public Safety Committee that's more comfortable taking its shirt off.

Also, I don't think David Chiu is packing heat.

While we're working on that, the committee will go through its usual update on what-our-criminals-are-doing-now, and there will be a hearing jointly sponsored by Chiu and Michela Alioto-Pier on changes to state support for domestic violence shelters.

Hey, hypothetical question: if Michela Alioto-Pier's husband were to be caught in the middle of a major political scandal, do you think she'd stay by his side and then return to work at her old law firm (or whatever it is she did)? Or would she have him killed?

Discuss.

 

I know SF Gov InAction is late this week, but I have a good excuse: Like the Board Supervisors, I took Columbus Day off. And the day after Columbus Day.

I know this seems excessive, but think about it: If we don't take extra time off for Columbus Day, how will we discover new continents?

Rumor around city hall is that Bevan "The Navigator" Dufty actually did find one on Tuesday, at around 7 p.m., but that the New World is stuck in committee and won't get looked at until after the election. It's already been completely tagged with graffiti, though.

Funny how history repeats itself.

Once again, it's a very slow week for meetings. I would like to suggest that if we replace the supervisors with day laborers, we might get a better value for our money. Someone write up a ballot initiative.

Wednesday, Oct. 14, 11 a.m. - Budget and Finance Committee

 

Monday, Oct. 5

 

10 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

 

On the whole, people are in favor of "Public Safety," so most of the time the Public Safety Committee is pretty uncontroversial. The chairman arches his eyebrows and asks the Mayor's Office of Criminal Justice "Why aren't you making us safer?" and nobody ever thinks "Hey, that's a really unfair question, you oppressive bastard!"

Not today.

Today, a full two-thirds of the agenda (okay, two items out of three) are likely to lead to angry editorials and snarky comment sections in which people named "TouchMyMonkey!" and "Brian687" tell each other that they suck.

The uncontroversial item is a resolution authorizing the Department of Public Health to continue to receive HIV prevention funding from the Centers for Disease Control.

See what I mean? Anybody got a problem with that?

 

YaddaYaddaYadda says:

YOU have the AIDS!

 

BurgerBoyToy says:

San Francisco public schools suck!

 

Yeah, well, those guys, sure. But if they think that was controversial ...

 

 

As Snitch readers know, the supes have decided to cancel their regular Tuesday meeting in order to celebrate the Jewish holiday of the day-after-Yom Kippur -- a "holiday" which Jews don't actually celebrate.

It gets worse: It turns out that the supes have, in fact, decided to cancel their entire week of meetings in order to honor a non-existent Jewish holiday. That's right: there are no meetings this week.

It seems that the Supervisors love the Jews so much that they'd do anything for them, except work.

But, deep down, is it really about the Jews? I hate to suggest that David Chiu is anything but sincere in this matter, but, one wonders: Did he ever take a week off for the day-after-Yom Kippur before he started getting paid by the public?

In fact, the supes have a long tradition of canceling a week's worth of meetings on account of one-day holidays. For them, Labor Day, Memorial Day, day-after-Yom Kippur, and Christmas are all basically interchangeable. The real problem here isn't that they finally, inevitably, canceled meetings on account of a fake holiday. It's that they take such a casual attitude towards canceling meetings at all. 

 

 

Monday, Sept. 21

11 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

 

Eight supervisors -- the magic number -- have sponsored a bill allowing the police chief to select any qualified law enforcement official, from in or out of the department, for senior non-civil service position in the San Francisco Police Department.

It hits Public Safety Committee today, and since all three members of the Public Safety Committee (Mirkarimi, Alioto-Pier, and Chiu) are co-sponsors of the bill, one expects it to sail through committee like a ... like a ... well, I don't actually know any "sailing" metaphors. But like a thing that sails, on a day that is ideal for sailing, in a place that offers optimum sailing conditions.

Like that.

I have to say I'm extremely impressed with the unexpected turns the famously insular SFPD is taking. Conventional wisdom was that there was no way in hell the new chief would be from outside the SFPD -- but the new chief is from outside the SFPD. Conventional wisdom said that there was no way the new chief would be able to choose his own top aides -- yet now that seems inevitable. And Chief George Gascon's proposal to clear the civilian oversight board's decks of a massive backlog of cases by distinguishing those that can get a slap-on-the-wrist from those where termination is warranted strikes me as as good a compromise as one is likely to find in an imperfect world.

Sometimes the world conspires to impress you. Ladies and gentlemen, please keep up the good work.

Also on the agenda for today is the usual "let's look at citywide crime levels," now sponsored by the committee's new chair, David Chiu. Needless to say, if it's sponsored by David Chiu, it's going to be extra special. Maybe there will even be a special guest! I hear Paula Abdul is free.

 

 

Here is the exact moment when covering San Francisco government goes from sad to pathetic: It's when you come home after a nice vacation, dust off your lap-top to catch up on what you've missed, and realize that San Francisco has no idea how many working fire engines it has.

I'm pretty sure that if we were a real city, with a functioning government, this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

I would, in fact, like to use this as a defense against all those who claim that my coverage of San Francisco government is too harsh, too cynical, and too mean: We don't know how many reserve fire engines we have.

Or when our rec centers are supposed to be open.

Or how much city cash our mayor spends on his security detail.

Or how many cash transactions at the Marina Yacht Club Harbor went unreported because it didn't have a system for recording them.

Yes, we are progressive and far-sighted. Yes, we would like to pass legislation leading to a sustainable global economy, whereas small towns in the Midwest would like to build more subdivisions.

On the other hand, small towns in the Midwest know how many functioning reserve fire engines they have.

How do we manage to keep thinking we're ahead of the rest of the country? It boggles the mind.

On that note, here's the rest of this week's government meetings, filled with good intentions, signifying nothing.


Monday, Sept. 14, 10:30 a.m. - City Operations & Neighborhood Services Committee

 

There are just three items on the agenda. Three, incidentally, is a "magic number" in many cultures. So I'm sure these measures will all be very special. They may even have religious significance. If it helps, you can think of them as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

With a federal holiday appears on the calendar, city hall's motto becomes: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but how much time off you can take from your country".

In this particular case, The supervisors like to celebrate Labor Day by pretending to have labored, while their staff likes to celebrate Labor Day by pretending to rest. (The one exception to this rule is Michela Alioto-Pier and her staff, who celebrate Labor Day by going into labor). The result for both is a three week "vacation" during which government grinds to a halt but politics never stops. It is absolutely the worst of all worlds, provided you don't live in Los Angeles.

SF Government InAction is never more aptly named, or more pointless, than when the supes are in recess -- so I'll be in recess the next two weeks as well (in fact, the Government Audit & Oversight Committee and I will be sharing a camp at Burning Man: "Accountability Camp."). But I thought that this week, while all's quiet on the western front, would be a good time to review the new Board of Supervisors, take stock of what they've accomplished after eight months, and see where we are now.

This will take less time than you think.

The first thing worth noting is that San Franciscans seem to have little buyer's remorse.

Monday, Aug 17

11 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

A lot's happened to the Public Safety Committee since the last time I wrote about it -- and there's one thing I just don't understand.

Ross Mirkarimi used to be the chair of the Public Safety Committee, and he was exceptional at pulling the many tangled threads of San Francisco's attempts to keep its citizens safe from crime (the better to lecture us about not smoking) into an organized weave. City crime mattered to him both as a humanitarian and as a politician: His district includes parts of the Western Addition.

But then he was replaced as Public Safety chairman by David Campos, a freshman legislator. The justification for this was that Campos, who had previously been a member of the city's Police Commission, has a lot of experience dealing with public safety agencies in San Francisco.

This is true -- although in my experience the only people who actually listen to the Police Commission are people who want to be on the Police Commission, because they want to impress the mayor and subsequently be given a $167,000-a-year job whose sole qualification is "Be extremely concerned about the world's ills."

So Campos replaces Mirkarimi. Got it?

But now, Board President David Chiu has shuffled the city committee deck and replaced David Campos with ... David Chiu.

Say what?

What an exciting week! Your Host Gaaaaaaavin Newson! will be giving away big money prizes! And how much would you pay for this PUC headquarters? Find out in our Showcase Showdown!

That's not actually a joke.

In fact, there is an awful lot of government happening this week, squeezing big money into small meetings. It's been a while since we've seen small meetings this packed with concentrated government goodness -- the kind of meetings that are organic, locally grown, and pesticide free. They're practically swimming in antioxidants. Why I've only just read the agenda, and I feel healthier already. And broke.

Monday, Aug. 10,

10:30 a.m. - City Operations and Neighborhood Services Committee

Health, in fact, is one of the big themes of this meeting. Michela Alioto-Pier has a hearing called to

1. Discuss cuts to the California Healthy Families Program, 2. "evaluate the City's commitment to universal healthcare for children and youth, and" ... 3. "identify solutions that guarantee every child access to health insurance."

So once again, she's putting forward the kind of busywork that everyone can get behind.

Hey, I'm going to go out on a limb here: Does it strike anyone else that Alioto-Pier's constant defense of children masks a seething hatred of adults? Because, if you look at her legislative record, you could make a case that if you're not an expectant mommy or a baby, she wants you dead.

I'm just wondering.

There are only three meetings left standing this week: By contrast, four meetings were supposed to happen, but canceled. Is it just me, or are city hall meetings increasingly resembling network programming?

"Well, we would LIKE to have a City Operations and Neighborhood Services Committee meeting, but we don't feel that Neighborhood Services appeal to educated males ages 17 to 34, so we'll just stick with reruns of our old City Operations instead."

I guess that's what you get with a mayor who's made-for-TV.

On an only vaguely related note, why is anybody surprised that Gavin Newsom turned on Eric Jaye? Look at the history: Newsom turns on his friends. That's what he does.

Anyway, let's get on with it.

Monday, July 27, 1 p.m. - Land Use & Economic Development Committee

Chris Daly (D-Suburbia) wants to designate Clipper Cove as a Special Use Area "making it a misdemeanor to moor or anchor a vessel (there) without a valid permit."

Guess Daly's all into yachting and stuff, now that he has his fancy home(s) in suburbia.

Print journalists and bloggers are feuding again.

It's a quiet feud so far -- an incendiary article here, a subtle dig in a blog post there -- but it's real, it's between people I know and respect, and it makes me want to hide under the bed the way I did when the monsters attacked mommy and daddy. At least, I think they were mommy and daddy. This all happened after the nice man with candy lured me into the van . Adolescence is a confusing time when you're tied to a chair.

The point is: How can I choose between them? I spent more years that I care to count -- or can count (math not being a journalist's strong suit) -- as a print reporter, lovingly crafting words that reeked of ink. But today my word drippings fall mostly into the rich limestone cave of cyberspace, and involve so little shoe leather that cows quietly consider me a hero.

I can't choose. I can't do it, do you hear me? You two will just have to get along -- at least in public.

It's not that you have to like each other -- heck, I don't like anybody. Not really.Yes, that means you.

But to fight over the stale "new media v. old media" shibboleth? Reporters v. Bloggers? Come on ... really? Do you really want to be the writers who kicked that horse again because you thought you saw him twitch?

Monday, July 13,

9 a.m. - Rules Committee

The first thing one will notice about this meeting is the massive pile of litigation that the city is hoping to settle out of court: A tower of Legal Babel stretching so high that it is an affront to God's own law firm of Cherubim, Seraphim, & Murdock.

There's nothing new about this. People are always suing the city, and the city often settles out of court -- making the job of City Attorney a cross between Perry Mason and Ed McMahon: "According to my surprise witness, you could already be a winner!"

But usually these cases are dispensed with one or two at a time. Today there are seven, ranging from a proposed $25,000 settlement for the PUC encroaching on a residential property to $312,000 for claims against the city's "Uptown Parking Corporation."

In all, about a $800,000 is being dispensed by the City Attorney's Prize Patrol. Congratulations to all you lucky winners!