Aliens and Fecal Matter Inundate BART in Very Convincing Spoof

Categories: BART, Sexytime

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Even with its spanking new, poop-free, antiseptic vinyl seating, BART can't seem to shake its unsavory reputation.

Last year's naked acrobat escapade and infamous seat tryst -- by a man so satisfied with the new vinyl, he went back and humped it twice -- certainly didn't help.

Nor did this morning's Twitter announcement -- from an SFBARTAlerts feed with an official logo, but a suspicious 132 followers -- that Dublin and Pittsburg-bound trains faced 30 minute delays in Daly City, owing to "gratuitous anal contact."

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All About Gloria Leonard: Center For Sex & Culture Honors Late Erotic Star

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Theatrical Release Poster to a Popular Gloria Leonard Title
On February 3, Gloria Leonard passed away at the age 73. Once a trader on Wall Street, she entered the erotic film industry in 1976. At the time she was well into her thirties, yet she enjoyed a lengthy career as a performer, and as the publisher of High Society Magazine.

A regular guest on TV chat shows, she was a fierce advocate for the adult industry through her work with the Free Speech Coalition, and was a pioneer in the phone sex business.

On February 27, The Center For Sex and Culture held a memorial tribute to Ms. Leonard.

"We acknowledge the lives and work of people who are not often acknowledged by the larger culture," said Carol Queen, co-founder of the Center.

City resident Annie Sprinkle took to the podium. The former adult star and sex educator fought back tears as she recalled her thirty year friendship with Leonard. "We thought she was still healthy, this was so sudden," Sprinkle said. She spoke of Club 90, a support group for women in porn that was formed in New York decades ago. "There are still a few of us porn dinosaurs roaming the earth."

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New App Proves Californians Can't Last That Long in Bed

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Nerve.com
Well, finally, you have a good reason to roadtrip your way to the seemingly less glamorous parts of the United States -- places including Nebraska, New Mexico, and West Virginia.

Sex.

Sure, California has a ton of sex appeal (beaches, mountains, stunning views, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Hollywood). But nobody cares how long and attractive your bridge is if the ride across it isn't up to par.

A new app, dubbed Spreadsheets, will help you track your sexcapades, logging tremendously important information, including duration, thrusts, etc. Nerve.com reported that the app creators were able to crunch a few numbers to determine which states are having sex the longest -- and which states are coming (!) in last.

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Stripper Toy Drive to Proceed Without a Hitch

Categories: Sexytime

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Sex sells, but in San Francisco it's also inclined to give. So one would think after observing the apparent largesse of local strip club magnate Joe Carouba. To date, he's bequeathed perhaps $100,000 to a Top of Broadway Community Benefit District, hoping to ramp up security, clean the street detritus, and beautify the den of vice he's helped to create.

His 10 local strip clubs have also amassed more than $250,000 for children in need, via a decade of annual toy drives to benefit the San Francisco Firefighters Local 798 Union. Starting November 14, all clubs under the aegis of Carouba's company, BSC Management, will offer free admission to patrons who bring an unwrapped toy worth $20 or more. They'll also present nightly "charity" dances, during which strippers donate a portion of all proceeds into a fund for the toy program.

Despite rumblings of protest from Fire Chief Joanne Hayes-White, who at first snubbed the $20,000 check that a consortium of strip clubs offered the Fire Fighters Union Toy Program in 2011, BSC spokesman Axel Sang says the program has been a rousing success. "We've had VIPs donate UHauls full of bikes," he says, indicating that numerous local children benefit from these philanthropic fetes each year.

The fire department eventually acquiesced. Spokeswoman Mindy Talmadge says it has no authority over donors, since union members administer the toy program. A union spokesman says that Local 798 merely accepts checks and distributes the proceeds, regardless of their source.

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San Francisco SPCA Offering Pet Condoms to Sex-Addicted Dogs and Cats

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Up Next: Pet Abstinence
We got you to click didn't we?

That's exactly what the SPCA is hoping will happen by advertising pet condoms on its website. Appropriately dubbed "Animal Instinct," the new pet condom is about as real as that dog who drove through the streets of San Francisco.

But the campaign is for real. In its latest effort to call attention to the need for pet owners to spay and neuter their horny dogs and cats, the SPCA launched a new website which advertises pet condoms, encouraging owners to "put it on before they get it on."

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Supervisor Scott Wiener Kicks off Leather Week With This Jaw-Dropping Photo

Categories: Sexytime

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via Scott Wiener Twitter
Stimulating!
Sure, Supervisor Scott Wiener has a fetish -- a fetish for work, eliminating onerous public policies, and more work.

So we could certainly see how San Francisco's Leather Week might be a tricky one for the suit-and-tie wearing wonk. We're guessing there's nothing kinky in his closet -- that would end up on the Internet, at least. Based on this photo, we're right. Behold, the most G-Rated of all Leather Week photos past, present, or future.

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"Booby Invasion" Leads to Excitement, Puns

Categories: Animals, Sexytime
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Peter Gene
Mr. Excitement...
Our collective fascination with the feminine chest can be directed in so many ways. It can draw you into a UFO cult. It can inspire strange and heretofore unknown holidays. It can even lead ostensibly normal folks to grab a pair of binoculars and emit squawking noises.

Actually, we're cheating a little bit on that last one (but only a little). In reality, hordes of unfortunately named booby birds have booby-spotting birders panting a bit in Monterey.

"Huge excitement for birders," Brian Sullivan, eBird.org director, told the Santa Cruz Sentinel. "Right now there's lots of birders out there to see and document this invasion."

Misogynistic businessmen of yore devised a breast-related method of imbibing the proper number of mid-day martinis: One is too few and three are too many. But if you want to see the most impressive booby of all -- and just the one -- there's only one place to go.

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Woman Will Wear Panties for Up to 72 Hours Max, Then Sell Them to You on Craigslist

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Flickr/MeganMorris
An idea for future business management majors
Every now and again we like to tap into the business community and talk to entrepreneurs to find out how the hell they're making ends meet when we know things in California aren't going to get any cheaper.

Skimming through Craigslist, we came across this SoCal woman (well, she tells us she is a woman) who has cornered a new and thriving market in California: She'll wear her panties for a few days, then sell them to willing buyers who will then do God knows what with them.

Here's her most recent ad targeting San Francisco's lovers of worn panties.

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Curious about how this online lingerie business operates, we reached out to the 18-year-old woman, who agreed to chat with us about her business, anonymously via e-mail. We've copy and pasted her responses verbatim.

SFW: Tell me about this worn panty-selling business you have. What is the name of the business? How long do you wear the panties before they're considered "worn"?

Panty Woman: The business doesn't have a name. I will wear the panties for 1-3 day depending on what the person wants, but no longer than three days due to sanitary reasons. I will then ship them to the person providing they have made the payment to my paypal account.

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Lusty Lady Night Gives San Francisco's Erotica Fans Something to Do Tonight

Categories: Sexytime

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Library Vixen via Center for Sex and Culture
Beats having dinner with mom and dad
Seeing that you really can't cut a peeper off cold turkey, the Center for Sex and Culture has decided to bring us Lusty Lady Night -- a new series of sex-related events, including peep shows, spoken word, and God knows what else they have hiding behind the curtain.

And guess what? It starts tonight, which means you can ditch Bible study and head down to the sex center to pick up wherever you left off the last time you visited the Lusty Lady before it closed its doors earlier this month.

See Also: Lusty Lady, North Beach Strip Club, To Close Its Doors

From the Center for Sex and Culture:

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"Go Topless Day" a PR Stunt for Raelian UFO Cult

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Feminist empowerment! UFOs! Prophet for the Elohim! BOOOOOOOBS!
"Go Topless Day," a forthcoming annual media stunt taking advantage of everyone's fascination with the female chest, is a public relations ploy for a bizarre UFO cult devoted to building an intergalactic Jerusalem "embassy" in preparation for the return of the space aliens that spawned the human race. 

The website pitching the noontime Sunday breast fest at Dolores Park and 48 other worldwide events doesn't have a convenient "about us" feature to peruse. There is, however, an easy-to-miss link to a free download of Intelligent Design: Message from the Designers alongside the note: "Read for yourself the message for humanity that was given to Rael during his UFO encounters of 1973!"

Rael -- Claude Vorilhan -- is the Frenchman who claims that chance '73 encounter at a volcano park with a human being from outer space spurred him to "give up his much loved career as a sports-car journalist and devote himself fully to the task assigned to him by Yahweh -- the extra-terrestrial whom he met." This mission: serve as the prophet preparing "the population to welcome their Creators, the Elohim, without any mysticism or fear, but as conscious and grateful human beings."

And so: Boobs.

Those stirred by Go Topless Day's message of feminine empowerment might be a bit tempered by the messenger.

See Also: "Go Topless Day" Coverage Easy Publicity for Bizarre Raelian UFO Cult (2010)

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