Cops intercept JaMarcus Russell...

​You know the drill, friends. Send me all the correct answers here, win a prize. Here you go:

1. Which of these was the statement Bay to Breakers spokesman Sam Singer gave SF Weekly regarding the race's latest announcement that it would no longer tolerate any booze on the premises?

A. "Keep your beer down, assholes."
B. "There is nothing that says you have to be shitfaced drunk to have a good time."
C. "How about I come over and vomit in your neighborhood?"
D. "Dumb, drunk fucks ruin it for everyone."


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​Man-oh-Manischewitz, it was an interesting week. How interesting? This interesting:

1. Alleged gangster Charles "Cheese" Heard was found guilty of murdering and robbing a man of what unique pendant?

A. A gold-coated scarab beetle
B. An actual-sized Mercedes hubcap
C. A bejeweled recreation of Bamm-Bamm from the Flintstones
D. A Louis Vuitton bag on a chain

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He came, he saw, he tweeted

​Dude, I don't even know what happened this week. Do you? Answer the questions correctly, mail us all your answers here, and you'll win a damn prize. Onward!

1. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev lost his Twitter virginity this week in San Francisco. What was the rough translation of his first tweet?

A. Hello everyone. I'm now on Twitter and this is my first message
B. My name is Dmitry. What's yours?
C. I am enjoying Coca-Cola, symbol of free West
D. From Russia With Love was my favorite Bond movie. But U knew that.

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Awwwww...

​Whew! You survived another week. Work hard, take off at the end of the day, and look both ways when you cross the street. Also, take this news quiz, send me a perfect score here, and you win a goddamn prize. Allez!

1. What was Terry Helbing charged with stealing this week?

A. A municipal bus
B. Gavin Newsom's door-knocker
C. Art
D. Cutlery from fancy restaurants

2. How much did the city pay for Bay to Breakers cleanup?

A. Nothing
B. $45,000
C. $88,000
D. $118,000

3. What Bay Area city is pondering doing away with its police force?

A. San Lorenzo
B. San Leandro
C. San Francisco
D. San Carlos
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Celebrate! The week is at an end!

​How is it that every week goes by so quickly yet feels like three weeks? Anyhow, that should give us plenty of fodder for this week's Friday Morning News Quiz. You know the deal: Send us a perfect score here and you win a prize. Onward!

1. Guess who was in town this week? J. Edgar Hoover. Nope. Barack Obama. Yep. And what did someone heckle him about during a $2,000-a-pop cocktail fund-raiser?

A. Not doing enough to stem the disastrous Gulf oil spill
B. Not doing enough to allow gays to serve in the military
C. Not doing enough to not be a foreign-born Muslim
D. Not doing enough to save public-sector jobs in California

2. How much did Gavin Newsom pay for a lieutenant governor endorsement in a bogus slate mailer that landed in San Francisco mailboxes this week?

A. $1,500
B. $47,000
C. $116,000
D. $211,500
E. He did not pay

3. Bay to Breakers lost its principal sponsor this week. Who was it?

A. ING
B. IBM
C. AIG
D. AEG

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Get yours today!

​That's right: Get a perfect score, e-mail it to me here, and you can win the (toy) CAR OF THE FUTURE. It looks nothing like the photo above, by the way. We think it's way cooler.

1. A Republican candidate for governor this week suggested California do what with pedophiles?

A. Execute them
B. Chemically castrate them
C. Banish them to an island offshore
D. Conduct scientific experiments on them against their will

2. Whose endorsement did embattled Attorney General candidate Kamala Harris trumpet this week?

A. God. Really.
B. Barack Obama
C. Joe Montana
D. Tyra Banks

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Alameda Police

So, what's my story?

​Good news, readers! Since last week's winners took home surprise tickets to Oysterfest, you can still win THE CAR OF THE FUTURE! It's positively futuristic!

Send us all the correct answers here; first one is the big winner.

1. Who is Richard Cochran?

A. The former city IT worker who refused to hand over passwords to the Fiber-WAN system
B. The taxi driver who ran down two nuns and purportedly laughed about it
C. The man accused of stealing his pit bull from an East Bay animal shelter
D. The former District Attorney spokesman who resigned after telling insensitive ethnic jokes

2. Which Gavin Newsom spokesman hasn't quit on him?

A. Nathan Ballard
B. Joe Arrellano
C. Brian Purchia
D. Tony Winnicker
E. All of them

3. What did Muni announce this week it would cease doing?

A. Running buses
B. Running the Owl service
C. Paying for 311
D. Conducting fare-inspection stings


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Wham! A Homer!

​That's right! Answer our five questions correctly, send me an e-mail, and you could win THE CAR OF THE FUTURE. No gimmicks! No shit!

1. What former Bay Area Major League ballplayer turned up this week playing beer-league softball in Menlo Park?

A. Barry Bonds
B. Luis Polonia
C. Eric Byrnes
D. Kevin Mitchell

2. What are Oakland cops in hot water for shooting this time?

A. A deer
B. Ron Dellums' dog
C. A low-rider that failed to stop at 17th and Broadway
D. The Goodyear Blimp

3. Employees of what city department are accused of sending raunchy porn e-mails out on work computers?

A. Department of Children, Youth and their Families
B. Planning Department
C. Human Rights Commission
D. Mayor's Office
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Another week in the books in San Francisco

​Does every week feel like two weeks for everyone? Or just us? In any event, here's a roundup of news events from just this one week. Per usual, send your answers to me, here. First person to e-mail a perfect score wins a prize. Let the games begin.

1. Who are Steven Apilado, LaRon Charles, and Jon Russ?

A. The three bisexual softball players told they weren't gay enough to play in the Gay World Series
B. The three undercover cops who shot at each other in Bayview because none of them knew the others were cops
C. The three lawyers representing a man suing Froot Loops because he thought it contained fruit
D. The three police commissioners whose terms expire on April 30 -- and the city hasn't bothered to appoint anyone to succeed them

2. What excuse did a controversial witness for the prosecution use to skip out of his testimony at a recent San Francisco DUI trial?

A. He was going to miss his favorite TV show
B. He was too drunk to make it to court
C. He shit in his pants
D. He claimed two separate men on the jury were his cousins; neither were



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Now that's a good one!

​Being smart and fast isn't just its own reward. The first to send back a perfect score on this quiz -- send it here, friends -- gets a prize.

What poor soul with local ties just signed a contract to play quarterback for the woebegone Oakland Raiders?

A. Kyle Boller
B. Jeff Garcia
C. Nate Longshore
D. Jim Plunkett

2. Through Friday, which Giants pitcher was 2-0 with a 2.25 earned-run average?

A. Tim Lincecum
B. Matt Cain
C. Jonathan Sanchez
D. Barry Zito

3.After the Board of Supervisors turned down an activist's appeal, what became a fait acompli?

A. Sunday parking meters
B. Muni service cuts
C. Off-ramps converted to parks
D. Naming a City Hall bathroom after Chris Daly

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