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IF YOU GO: Snacks will be served, with shouting to follow.

By Benjamin Wachs

Julie, a manager with the Transit Effectiveness Project, points to a cluster of red lines on a white background and her head hangs, just a little. This travel speed map “is one of our most depressing maps,” she admits. It shows that most heavily used MUNI buses travel at less than 6 miles an hour.

There’s no better example of why the system has to change than slow buses – except for the buses that don’t show up at all. There are plenty of those, too.

The people in the audience nod patiently. They know that. They’re ordinary San Franciscans, who take public transit all the time. They are not impressed by the TEP staff’s assurance that “We’re been riding the buses and trains ourselves” to come up with plans to fix MUNI. (How very brave of you). But they’re also a patient crowd. In general, they support the idea of a MUNI overhaul, don’t have any concerns about focusing on express routes, and think that dedicated bus lanes and cracking down on double-parking is all for the good. That’s not their issue. Instead, they’re waiting patiently, each of them, for a chance to say the one thing they’ve been carrying with them all week.

YOU WANT TO CUT THE 36? HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CUT THE 36!

LEAVE THE 66 QUINTARA ALONE!

OLD PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO WALK UP HILL! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

Like an earthquake, these passionate bullet points rumble unpredictably beneath the surface of the meeting. At some point, they’re going to reach the top. The question is: how destructive will they be?

If the very first “community meeting” about the Transit Effectiveness Project – a proposed massive 5 year overhaul of MUNI – is heavily structured and organized from the top down, that’s because organizers know that any meeting about MUNI is, right from the get go, about damage control.

Give the People what the People say the People want

There’s something a little odd about the premise of these meetings, the first of which was held Saturday at the West Portal Elementary School. MUNI is presenting its proposed changes to the public … while claiming that it’s doing exactly what the public told it to. They never mention transit experts consulted, best practices that are being proposed, or successful transit systems they’re modeling themselves after: instead, they tell the members of the public how well the public was surveyed.

That is to say, the purpose of these meetings is to get our opinions of the plan that was already based on meetings to get our opinions.

My first experience with a San Francisco party bus was about four years ago when I was new to the city. I exited a bar and was immediately confronted with the sight of about thirty dudes wearing the standard uniform of the weekend warrior- crisp button-ups with the sleeves rolled to the elbows- dripping off the sides of a fake cable car on wheels. Everyone was slobbering drunk and one of them pointed at me, heroically focused one eye on my face and slurred, "You….do you like…..to drink?"

The answer seemed obvious as I had just left a bar, but at that moment the light changed and I was never able to continue my conversation with the man, who was whisked into the night with his drunken companions.

The dudes were riding what I later found out was called a "party bus." Every weekend the streets of SoMa, the Mission, North Beach and other drinking hot spots are jammed with the things and the Entertainment Commission has taken note.

For those planning on attending the Olympic Torch relay (or just plain trying to get to work), here's the latest from 511 Transit:

"Wednesday, April 9, 2008: Due to the Olympic Torch Relay scheduled at 1:00pm in San Francisco, MUNI has suspended regular Cable Car service on all three routes between 11:00am and 4:00pm. Motor coach shuttles will be provided along the Cable Car routes.

F-Market service will be suspended between Fisherman's Wharf and Van Ness Avenue. No shuttles will be provided. Muni Metro service between Embarcadero Station and 4th and King Streets will be suspended from 12 noon until 4:00pm. Muni Metro customers wishing to connect with CALTRAIN must exit Muni Metro at the Powell Street Station and use the 30-Stockon or 45-Union bus lines to access CALTRAIN."

More details on specific transit lines here. --Janine Kahn

This time it was a man believed to be 50 to 70-years-old in the Western Addition. He was hit yesterday by a Muni bus at the intersection of Geary and Fillmore around 2:30 pm and was taken to the hospital with life threatening injuries. Authorities have yet to determine who is at fault. If the numbers in the Examiner story about a woman who got hit by a street car last week are correct, that brings the grand total of people who have been mowed down by a Muni vehicle this year to 18. UPDATE: An article in today's Examiner is putting the number of people hit by a Muni vehicle this year at 19, with one fatality. They also decided to go for the gore, opening with "Blood-soaked asphalt and tattered clothes marked the scene of a harrowing collision involving a pedestrian and a Muni bus..." and rounding it off with this quote from passenger Erika Galt: “There were bones sticking out of his pants and he had blood coming out of his head." Yuck.-Andy Wright

craigslist blog, local newbie devoted solely to the incredibly useful lunatic asylum known as craigslist has uncovered a real gem of a Best Of rant, which, while a few months old, is one of the funniest things I've real all month. And without further ado, the BART Serial Fartist speaks:

"Much like Picasso wielded a paint and easel, I have the ability to practically fart on command and have perfected the ventriloquist and ricochet methods which allow me to strike with devastating accuracy from cover much like a highly trained sniper."

"Who sits there and yells on speaker phone and reads stories about an axe murderer to his wife during rush hour (in the elderly and handicapped seat no less)? You do. I fought for almost two minutes, desperately pumping the volume up button on my iPod trying to block out your transgressions. My career as a fartist started then, my ignorant self absorbed friend, and you were treated to turkey chili con queso. Oooooh it was hot and wet when I crop dusted you, how did it smell? Call your wife and tell her about it."

-- B.B.

Eating and drinking on public transportation is an endeavor of the wink/wink variety. You know you’re not supposed to do it, the people in the uniforms know you’re not supposed to do it, but you do it anyway. The most common violation may be the morning cup of coffee that rule bending Bart patrons partake in. Well, now it’s going to be even easier to obtain the contraband caffeine as Bart will be installing Peet’s coffee kiosks at eight Bart stations, according to an article in today’s Examiner. The article also asserts that while tickets for eating and drinking on Bart were once rare, 765 such tickets were issued in 2006 and 896 were issued in 2007. Even though coffee will now be available for purchase at transit stations, Bart spokesperson Linton Johnson doesn’t think that the frequency of fines will go up.

"The kiosks are located outside the paid areas," Johnson said, "So commuters will already be on their way to work before stopping to get their morning coffee."

Uh, don’t people walk past those kiosks on their way into the train, too? Planting coffee vendors only feet from all those new absorbent wool and foam cushions being installed seems like a recipe for disaster. Can’t they just stick to increasing parking fines?-Andy Wright

By John Geluardi

The last bohemian friendly valet operation in North Beach was unceremoniously shut down last week to make way for a more “professional” though troubled company that insists on time cards, good grooming and smart uniforms.

Lorenzo Petroni, the owner of North Beach Restaurant lost the lease on a nearby parking lot forcing him to sign a contract with the new company, Liberty Park Management, which has access to a parking garage several blocks from the restaurant.

On March 24, the staff of six valets relinquished the white zone in front of the restaurant at Stockton and Columbus where for 35 years dozens of artists, poets, actors, iconoclasts, free spirits and the confused were able to etch out a living as outrider valets.

Photographer about town and finder-out of obscure facts WHAT IM SEEING has looked into the interesting origins of the Blackpool Boat Tram, the green and white chopped-top Muni car strung with Christmas lights occasionally seen slowly meandering along the F-Market Line. Here's the skinny:

It's an English-built 1934 Blackpool Boat Tram -- fully-restored -- and came to S.F. in 1984.

It started running along the F Line in 1995, making its annual debut in early spring.

Tags: Blackpool Boat Tram, Christmas Lights, F-Market Line, WHAT IM SEEING

From today's Examiner:

A 55-year-old woman was struck by a historic Muni street car in front of the Ferry Building on Tuesday, though her injuries were not life-threatening, according to police officials. The woman, whose identity was not released, was hit by an F-Market street car but her legs did not get caught under the vehicle, which prevented any serious injuries from occurring said Sgt. Steve Mannina, a spokesman for the San Francisco Police Department.“Fortunately, she fell backwards when she was struck so she didn’t get trapped in the wheels,” Mannina said.

Nobody ever wants to hear the word “fortunately” coupled with the phrase “trapped in the wheels.” The Examiner helpfully points out that the woman is the seventeenth person to be struck by a Muni vehicle this year. I would like to point out that this year is not quite three months old. (pic from whatimseeing)-Andy Wright

From an article in today's Chronicle:

A pedestrian was hit and killed by a Caltrain in the tunnel near 22nd and Pennsylvania streets in San Francisco on Sunday afternoon, according to a fire official.The woman was hit on the tracks at 4:41 p.m., said San Francisco Fire Lt. Carl Drake. It was unclear why she was in the tunnel. He did not have her name.

-Andy Wright

The MTA Board of Directors hasn't made an official decision yet, but at a meeting last night, they made it clear that raising the cost of the $45 FastPass was unlikely, according to an article in today's Chronicle. Muni had proposed raising the cost of the pass to as much as $60 over the next two years. But MTA Director, Shirley Black, told the audience, "I would like to do anything but raise the fares." Car owners probably won't be so lucky. Higher parking fees and fines are still on the table and MTA officials seem more likely to approve those changes then penalize public transportation riders with fare increases. –Andy Wright

Anybody who drives a car in San Francisco knows that parking is expensive, and violating the parking laws is really expensive. According to an article in today's Chronicle, the cost may go up even more. The MTA has already announced that they may raise the cost of Fast Passes in order to offset a growing $8.2 million budget deficit. Now officials are also considering raising the cost of parking at a meter by 50 cents, all parking fines less than $90 by ten dollars, and residential parking permits from $60 to $76 by 2010. Parking fines are by far the most profitable for the MTA, which rakes in 664,000 of the $50 fines a year. An increase of ten bucks would net about $12 million extra. Maybe now they can afford to hire a full time safety and training manager and convince people to start riding Muni again. -Andy Wright

Market Street is the "deadliest" street in San Francisco for cyclists, according to Sunday's Chronicle. There have been a grand total of 215 bicycle collisions on the street since 1997, with three resulting in deaths and 14 in severe injuries. The corner of Market and Octavia is widely believed to be one of the most dangerous intersections for SF bikers. During the years of 2006-07, four cyclists were severely injured at the spot, partly due to motorists making illegal right turns. The spate of articles about bike safety follow the death of two Bay Area cyclists who were hit and killed by a deputy sheriff last weekend in Santa Clara. The SF Bike Coalition issued a statement on their Web site warning against the haste to depict cycling as dangerous. They site several studies that show, among other things, that "people who bike to work have a 39% lower rate of mortality than those who do not, even after adjusting for other risk factors." ( photo from edmsf.blogspot )-Andy Wright

While trying to board an underground Muni train in 2003, Chris Gray stepped in between the gap of the two cars and fell onto the tracks, according to an article in today’s Examiner. Gray has been blind since birth and is the third blind person to fall between Muni cars in recent years. Muni attempted to erect safety barriers to prevent further incidents, but the barriers failed to meet the standards of the California Public Utilities Commission. In other fun news, it turns out that the "tapered end of Muni’s light-rail vehicles — designed to allow 90-degree turns on above-ground routes — actually leads blind residents into the gaps of the cars." The Examiner article follows a spate of negative press surrounding the public transportation organization, including a $21 million payout to a family whose 4-year-old was struck and killed by a Muni truck, news that Muni drivers are being attacked in the Hunters Point area, and that hybrid buses are easily deactivated. -Andy Wright

Muni will halt hybrid buses from running on the 54-Felton line that travels through the Hunters Point neighborhood, according to an article in today's Chronicle. The reason? People on the street have located the "off" switch. The hybrid buses start up using diesel fuel and then switch over to electricity. Designers saw fit to place an easily located on/off switch on the sides of the vehicles in an unlocked panel. When passersby flip the switch the "drivers can't accelerate, they lose radio contact with dispatchers, and the interior lights on the buses go out." In a feat of good judgement, the loss of power does not affect the breaks. Pat yourselves on the back, hybrid Muni designers! Replacement buses whose operation cannot be mitigated by a six-year-old will run on the 54 line until the hybrids are outfitted with locks. Muni officials could not say how long the adjustments would take or what they would cost. –Andy Wright