Jose Cruz's kick-ass van

​Power may be the ultimate aphrodisiac, but success is a hell of a salesman. So with the 49ers coming off of one of the most thrilling wins in franchise history and poised for an epic showdown with the New York Giants in Sunday's conference championship, now's the time to start hawking Niners tickets -- or any Niners-related paraphernalia -- for top, top dollar.

Those hoping to attend Sunday's contest without tickets in hand are learning a grim lesson on the meaning of the term "leverage." At this time, internet jackals can be disarmingly candid about the markup they'll be adding to your desired goods. Take this glib Craigslist profiteer. He desires $6,000 for four tickets that he overtly advertises as having a face value of $299 per. "Am selling at premium to cover the costs of the season. ... If you're looking for a discount, these seats aren't for you," he writes. "Ideally sell to Niner fans who will get on [Giants QB Eli] Manning," he notes.

Yes, that would be ideal!

The highest price for a Craigslist ticket as of Wednesday appears to be $5,000 apiece. That said, others are taking advantage of the team's success to hawk $8,000-a-pop season ticket rights (just the rights). That's the exact price, incidentally, of Jose Cruz's custom 49ers van.

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Excited Southern boy wants to live with you

​UPDATE: Well, fuck. Looks like either this son of the South is looking to move to San Francisco and Boston, or this ad is a fake. Reader Robbinthehood points out the exact same ad was posted in Boston. We wanted to believe in you, excitable bro. We so fucking wanted to believe in you.

Do you have a spare bedroom and enjoy unbridled enthusiasm? Do you love every iteration of the word "fuck"? We may have the guy for you.

Here is a Craigslist ad you won't want to miss -- even if you aren't looking for someone to move in. The zealous ad -- which we've seen passed around on Twitter and Reddit -- comes from a very, very excited young man from Alabama who promises he'll be the "most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived."

Here are some of his selling points:

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Trade your Vespa for Series tickets? How about the girl with the tapestry dress?

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First things first: Craigslist will never top the swap offer your humble narrator spotted in 2002. That would be "Will Trade 1,900 Pounds of Bananas For Series Tickets."

I determined last year the street value of 1,900 pounds of bananas is about $875, making it a relatively poor trade for World Series tix. Fast-forwarding to the present, for nearly 90 times that amount -- $76,240 -- you can now take in tonight's Game 1 of the Series in style.

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Rachael Smith is not thanking God it's Friday

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Rachael Smith, the woman accused of renting out the same Richmond District flat to scores of would-be tenants and then absconding with more than $100,000, did indeed make her hearing this morning.

It wasn't a pleasant encounter. Smith was charged with 14 additional counts of fraud, bringing the total to 18 felony charges. As a result, the legion of victims' estimated losses grew from $20,000 to $110,000. And Smith was re-arrested on the spot and jailed.

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Rachael Smith is due in court again today. Will she go 2-for-2?

​Last month, victims of alleged Craigslist apartment scammer Rachael Smith were shocked when she actually made her court date. If she makes today's scheduled hearing, however, it would come as something of a surprise to police.

Smith made headlines over the summer when she was arrested for allegedly accepting $5,100 for first and last month's rent and deposit from numerous would-be renters of the same Richmond District apartment, then skipping town with more than $100,000. (Yes, it's the low-tech version of the scheme Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom pulled in The Producers).

Prior to Smith's Sept. 2 court date, however, police investigators have uncovered more than a dozen new victims -- and those charges will likely be made today. Should Smith make the trip from Los Angeles to attend her scheduled hearing, she'll possibly be re-arrested, face bail of perhaps $300,000 or more, and could even be remanded into custody. She knows this, and police know she knows this.

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San Francisco Police Department

Rachael Smith didn't skip bail -- because she didn't have to pay any

​Tonight, victims who fell prey to the same alleged con artist will gather in empathy and anger as they discuss how to move forward after being purportedly scammed out of thousands of dollars by Rachael Smith.

Smith, who was arrested July 22, is charged with concurrently leasing her apartment to at least 26 people, collecting the deposit and first month's rent, and then disappearing before handing over the keys. She advertised the apartment at California and 18th Street on Craigslist, and may have amassed more than $100,000.

Prior reports that Smith has skipped bail are inaccurate, however: She was released on her own recognizance and wasn't required to come up with any bail. While her whereabouts are unknown, police tell SF Weekly they have no reason to believe Smith won't make her next court date. Right? 

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​Here, we have one of many Bay Area Craigslist postings suggesting methods of celebrating Mothers' Day President Woodrow Wilson probably didn't have in mind when he signed the holiday into existence in 1914.

See also: "YOU: BBW LET ME GIVE YOU GREAT MOTHERS DAY LICKING - m4w - (san jose south)." And: "Mappy Mother's Day. Let's Fuck (Sunset/Parkside)."

Below, we've collected some additional gems from aspiring mother-fuckers.
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The best part of Halloween is not the actual merry-making, but observing the aftermath of a night of booze-soaked costumed revelry. On Nov. 1, the streets of San Francisco were strewn with cardboard scythes and axes, as if an epic battle had taken place and quickly dispersed. (And in a way, it had.) There were some who never made it home, completing their morning walk of shame dressed as slightly deflated sexy bumblebees. The guy we spotted pushing an IV and bag of fluids down the street may have been in costume, or he may have been an escapee from nearby General Hospital. And then there were those who, despite their fervent efforts, eluded the arms of another. Their disappointment is our afternoon entertainment, in the form of Craigslist Missed Connections.

This plea seeks to reunite not only two people but person and costume.

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A "creepy" mime. That narrows things down.

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​ ​ ​As reported in today's Chron, Troy Smith's 2006 conviction in the theft of $4.5 million in jewels has been upheld. Mark Zimmelman, the owner of Lang Antique and Estate Jewelry where the jewels were yanked, is still walking free, regardless of the strong suspicions that he was involved.

 Should you wish to glean more about all this, check out SF Weekly's cover story, "Gem of a Caper," which laid out the whole case back in 2006.  

Also highly recommend: this NY Magazine story about what it was like for an arts writer having Smith's brother, Dino (another fugitive diamond thief), as his roommate. The tag line: "He found me on Craigslist. I found him on America's Most Wanted."

Awesome. 

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