Here's How You Can Make President Vladimir Putin Dress Like a Gay Dude From the Castro

Categories: Humor, LGBT, Tech
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Russian President Vladimir Putin prepares for the Folsom Street Fair.
As athletes from around the world compete in the Sochi Games, activists from around the world step up their harsh condemnation of the draconian laws recently signed by Russian President Vladimir Putin. Putin, who claims that he's not homophobic, has made it a crime to "promote" homosexuality to children in Russia. The passage of these laws has seen a sharp surge in anti-gay violence across the country.

Now, two game developers from gay-friendly Amsterdam are offering a fun and ingenious way for LGBT people and allies to express their displeasure with Putin's policies.

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S.F. Tourists Take a Vacation From Common Sense

Categories: Humor

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Gil Riego Jr.

San Francisco tourists are best known for creating congestion along the Golden Gate Bridge, stepping out into intersections to get that "one great shot of Coit Tower" and turning Fisherman's Wharf into a local's worst nightmare.

But amid the keychain shopping and cable car rides, we've noticed something fun: Many of these tourists aren't just taking a break from work, they're taking a long sabbatical from common sense, which ultimately lands them in some hilariously uncomfortable situations.

Here's some of our favorite dumb tourist moments:

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Even San Francisco Kids Are Getting a Kick Out of the KTVU Asiana Pilot Gaffe

Categories: Humor, Media

KTVU hasn't gotten much of a break since it went on the air last week and reported fake names of the Asiana pilots that crashed into SFO on July 6.

Not even the kiddos are cutting the reporters over there some slack.

We spotted the latest jab at the station on the Bernalwood blog, which posted a kid-crafted press release about a missing helicopter in the neighborhood.

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Bernalwood blog via "neighbor Matthew."

See Also: Fake Press Release On KTVU Screw Up Tries To Screw Up Even More Reporters

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Fake Press Release on KTVU's Asiana Screw Up Aims to Get Even More Reporters to Screw Up the News

Categories: Humor, Media

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It's never a good sign when the news makes the news
The KTVU story that misidentified the Asiana pilots, amusing readers through the weekend, just keeps getting, well, funnier.

Yesterday, we came across a press release issued through the PR hosting site PR Log, which stated that Tori Campbell, the anchorwoman who reported the erroneous names during a Friday afternoon broadcast, was taking a leave of absence. Campbell identified the pilots as Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Bang Ding Ow, and Ho Lee Fuk. The NTSB later said that an intern had confirmed the names to the news station, although nobody has come clean about where those names originated.

The press release, which was released Monday, says that Campbell takes personal responsibility for the false newscast and has decided to take a break from reporting the news.

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Center for Investigative Reporting Says Too Much Journalism Is Interfering With its Mission

Categories: Humor, Media

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The new CIR investigative team
March 22, San Francisco -- Center for Investigative Reporting Executive Director Robert Rosenthal announced today that the CIR will improve the quality of its journalism by doing way less of it.

Instead of running three organizations (the CIR, California Watch, and The Bay Citizen), Rosenthal said, the organization will save staff time and money by merging California Watch and The Bay Citizen into the CIR, changing three organizations that covered local, state, and national news into a single organization that uses the same resources to cover less local, state, and national news.

Providing less local and state coverage will reduce the total amount of local and state coverage, Rosenthal acknowledged. But, he said, by "reorganizing our internal creative decision-making and production process, and doing less journalism, we can position ourselves to be the highest-impact, most innovative reporting organization we can be. So it's a win-win, only less so."

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This Is Why Everyone on BART Hates You

Categories: BART, Humor

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Facebook/ BART Idiot Hall of Fame
You know what's worse than late BART trains and increasing transit fares? The douchebags riding those trains. Unfortunately, there's nothing to be done about those passengers who shamelessly clip their nails, pass gas, and pick their nose. And even if you aren't one of those idiots who gives themselves a pedicure en route to Powell Street, everyone on BART hates you anyway, and this is why:

You pee/poop on our seats:
In case your mother hadn't told you, BART is not your personal potty, which means shitting and pissing on the escalators, floors, seats, and ticket machines is a no-no. If you can't hold it, then poop in your own pants, that's what your underwear is for.

You take up two seats with your crap while the rest of us stand:
Look, I don't want to sit next to you any more than you want to sit next to me, but I also don't want to stand. So move your Trader Joe's bags and your exercise ball or whatever the hell it is you feel entitled to bring on the train and give me that seat. And stop giving me dirty looks.

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The Dave Chappelle Maneuver: Tickets Sold Out in Less Than 60 Seconds -- Again

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This is all you're gonna see unless you got tickets
Dave Chappelle is an inscrutable fellow. Living legend, comedic icon, he's also a very mercurial performer. His live shows are notorious -- for their unscripted, off-the-cuff nature, for their length (we saw him at Cobb's once, and he outlasted the audience and the production staff), and for the sheer variety of moods Dave goes through while onstage.

Here in the Bay Area, where Dave performs a half-dozen or so times a year, his live shows also sell out really fucking fast, oftentimes with very short notice and next to no advertising. The latest example:The Independent announced a pair of Chappelle shows Monday at about 11:32 a.m. The $55 tickets went on sale at noon -- and within 30 seconds, they were gone -- all gone.

In other words: the old Chappelle maneuver.

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10 Ways to Refer to the Hells Angels Other Than an "Outlaw Gang"

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Hells Angels are so much more than just an outlaw gang
By Metal Cowgirl

A Nevada judge is putting her foot down in a San Francisco Hells Angels murder case, telling attorneys that they are no longer allowed to refer to the group as an outlaw gang or a motorcycle club, fearing they would not get the fair trial they deserve.

But because the Angels pride themselves on being an outlaw gang, it almost seems it would be unfair to refer to them as anything else. But alas, the judge rules, so here's some synonyms for those unfortunate attorneys who are surely wracking their brains right about now:

See Also: Even the French Are Afraid of Hells Angels

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AR-15: Even Our Guns are Now Fleeing to Oakland

Categories: Crime, Humor
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No. 1 with a bullet...
The happy news that an AR-15 rifle pilfered from San Francisco cops over the weekend has been recovered across the bay is tempered by a darker demographic reality: Even our guns are now fleeing to Oakland.

San Francisco will always be San Francisco, but it's time to face facts. Oakland is "cooler." Oakland is ascendant. Oakland is affordable. San Francisco, famously, features the lowest ratio of youths in the country: around 13.5  percent. In Oakland -- where families can afford to establish roots -- that figure is at nearly 24 percent (though dropping).

It's a problem. And now, apparently, even deadly rifles can't manage to stay here.

See Also: Cops Track Down Pilfered Assault Rifle


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National Day of Unplugging: 5 Things You Can Do Instead of Stalking People on Facebook

Categories: Humor, Tech

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National Day of Unplugging
Just like his grandfather did
If the thought of "unplugging" for an entire day makes you feel empty and useless, that's because you are, thanks to all this ubiquitous technology.

But guess what, on Friday you will have a chance to hop out of your digital vortex and detox from technology for an entire 24 hours for this year's National Day of Unplugging. Can you do it? Obviously, no more constant contact means you will have to find other things to fill your 1,440 minutes without e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, texting, and Tumblr.

We want you to succeed, so here's our suggestions on how you could spend your very free time:

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