Old school meets new school

Commenting on the high player turnover among Major League teams, Jerry Seinfeld noted that, basically, "you're rooting for clothes."

Of course you're not just rooting for clothes. You're buying the clothes. At some point fans ceased wearing coats and ties to the game and began dressing like the players (or, if you're less charitably inclined, children).

Paraphernalia is now a billion-dollar business. As a result, not only are fans essentially rooting for clothes -- they've never before had so much clothing to root for.

The hometown Giants sport no fewer than four uniforms. There's the cream-colored home jersey;  the gray "San Francisco" road top (which now features black piping we quite like); An "SF" alternate harking to the Will the Thrill era; and the orange abominations that, along with 43,000 orange-clad fans, make Fridays the very best day to arrange for a jailbreak at County Lockup.

Ranking them aesthetically would be a challenge (other than putting the orange ones fourth). But how are they selling? We called every Giants dugout store in town. Here are the extremely unscientific results.

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How to really hurt a man ...

Update: The bartender explains how the Marina girl was switching out her high heels with flip flops when the assault started. Read updated story after the jump.

Original story (2:25 p.m.) A local barkeep discovered the real pain a woman can inflict when a drunk, well-dressed female smacked him over the head with her offensively high heel.

We found the news on Eater SF, which reports that Matthew Meidinger, general manager of Jasper's Corner Tap, ended up in the ER on Saturday night after a very drunk woman smacked him upside the head with her pump outside the Balboa Cafe in the Marina.

Meidinger explains what happened on Twitter:

"This drunk woman cracked my skull with the heel of her shoes. Spent the night in the ER. This woman smashed me in the head with her heels then jumped in a cab."

You can find a photo of the alleged high-heel hitter here.

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Bring your grandma, too!

​There's something kind of ironic (and idiotic) about stripping down so you can get free clothes.

But all around the globe, people are doing just that. The first 100 participants who line up outside of Desigual on Powell Street on Friday morning with nothing on but their lingerie will get to shop for free funky Spanish outfits.

Sure it will be damn cold to wait outside all night for the store to open, but if San Francisco's nudists can bear the Bay Area chill, then you can do it for a free outfit!

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Stay classy, San Francisco

​You can glean a lot about the sartorial decline of Western civilization by going to a ballgame. In the days of yore, men -- and they were all men -- dressed formally when heading out to watch men hit balls with sticks.

When members of the Greatest Generation, trapped in a frozen foxhole in Bastogne, pined for sunny summers at Ebbets Field, that fantasy still would have included dressing in a way that seems oddly formal today. That's because, thanks to the explosion of merchandizing as a multibillion-dollar industry, the modern fan resembles an expensively decked-out little-leaguer.

One can argue that this is part of an ongoing trend toward sartorial infantilization -- today's adults, especially older adults, seem to dress like large toddlers. (One especially notices this at the airport as well as the ballpark.) And that's why the screamingly garish high-heels pictured here are so intriguing. Yes, they represent a capital crime in the eyes of sports-related fashion police. But they buck the infanilization trend in the broadest possible way. 

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But wouldn't you rather have $31.95 worth of cocktails?

​Can't say the Gold Dust Lounge doesn't know how to do good business. With its last pour scheduled for March 6, the popular watering hole has decided to capitalize on its pending eviction while spreading the word by selling t-shirts and other merchandise.

At Zazzle.com, Gold Dust fans can purchase their very own "Save the Gold Dust Lounge" apparel, including shirts, hoodies, and tote bags. The bar gets 10 percent of all the proceeds from merchandise sold online, which then goes back into making more shirts, said Lee Houskeeper, spokesman for the bar.

But while the shirts are clever, they aren't cheap. Prices start at $31.95 -- which is what most of us would shell out only when drunk at a concert.

While Houskeeper admits the prices are steep, even by San Francisco standards, he also reminds us it's for a good cause. He noted that they've gotten requests from people internationally who want to help the bar fight its eviction.

"It's just so [the shirts] could be available internationally," Houskeeper said.

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Garland detachable.

​The hours until Thanksgiving morning are nearing, and soon you will awaken to the smell of turkey and stuffing wafting through a house chock-full of relatives and the sound of football droning from the television. You'll hop out of bed and reach for that one perfect Turkey Day sweater. Wait -- nooooo! You forgot to order your Thanksgiving sweater?

Get on eBay now, folks, and find the last-minute offerings, starting with this insanity to our left -- a multi-use holiday "Singing Turkey" sweater. It features an entire stuffed turkey on the right side that plays music. And if that's not enough to seal the deal, come Dec. 25, you can wear this garment again, since it also has Santa on the left with his Christmas bell.
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You are not free to wear this t-shirt in Morgan Hill schools

​Three Morgan Hill students got a crash course in American civics this week when they lost a lawsuit against high school officials who sent them home for wearing American Flag t-shirts to school.

A judge dismissed the case against Live Oaks High School administrators, saying the Morgan Hill-based school did not violate the students' First and 14th Amendment rights when officials sent them home for refusing to turn their American flag t-shirts inside out.

The controversy started on Cinco de Mayo last year, when four students came to school wearing American-themed attire, including bandannas. School officials told the kids they had to turn their shirts inside out and hide the flag, otherwise it might provoke violence on the Mexican holiday.

But when the students refused, they were sent home.
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We already gave readers a quick look at one of our favorite costumes from Halloween in San Francisco last night -- Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi dressed as part-zombie, part-politician. But after sorting through a collection of images from the frightful festivities in the Castro last night, we thought we'd share some more of our favorites:

Courtesy of Hanna Quevedo

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Hunting season is over

​CafePress, the Bay Area-based online retailer, has officially removed from its store what some have deemed offensive t-shirts and stickers that advocated for immigrant hunting.

The items for sale were designed to look like permits to allow people to hunt illegal aliens. The shirts featured this  message: "Illegal Alien Hunting Permit: No bag limit -- Tagging Not Required," which some have called racist.

Victor Hoelscher, who is (coincidentally) from Arizona, saw the items and began an online campaign to keep people from partaking in such offensive fashion. "I was able to get the first 100 signatures in a matter of hours, and I didn't even advertise the petition that much," Hoelscher said. "People are sick of xenophobes and companies that advocate violence in this country."
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A trendsetter in so many ways

​In the week since Steve Jobs' died, he's been remembered as many things -- an insanely great capitalist, a total prick, and the man who reinvented the world. But among the many things that made Jobs remarkable, was his ability to wear the same outfit every single day -- his signature black turtleneck, blue jeans, and gray New Balance sneakers.

In two weeks, Simon & Schuster will release Walter Isaacson's biography Steve Jobs, which draws on years of conversations and interviews with the Apple CEO. It will shed light on the many mysteries that made Jobs the most recognizable CEO in America, among them the tech mogul's geeky style.

Here's an excerpt from the section where Jobs talks about his fashion sense.
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