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(Please visit our Dia De Los Slideshow)

Costumes, respect, discreet drinking, and hands-off cops make for a blissful evening

By Joe Eskenazi

In an exercise somewhat akin to the 18th-century intellectual version of bar-room drunks snarling over who would start on a football team blessed with both Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, English philosopher Jeremy Bentham decided to quantify how much an activity contributed to society’s happiness.

Bentham’s concept of ranking pleasure numerically is difficult to grasp (and his decision to have his corpse taxidermically stuffed like a stag or bear and put on display doesn’t inspire confidence with his decision-making process) -– but after attending Friday’s Dia de los Muertos procession in the city, I think I understand what Bentham was thinking (about the utils, not getting stuffed like a hunting lodge moose).

The utils of joy were soaring to the heavens out of the Mission that evening. Costumes, fun, laughter, decent behavior, people drinking beer out of bags, and the few cops present taking ...

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What has two boobs, two legs, gets passed from person to person, and is only good for an hour and a half?
A costumed MUNI transfer!

Seriously, if dressing up for Halloween is considered "wish fulfillment," what does this girl dream about? Working at a library? -- David Downs

NYC Halloween in the Village

Um, as if to add insult to injury, not only did our Halloween suck, but New York City did it right. Judging from the pictures, NY kicked SF's ass in terms of revelry and cool costumes.

Here's this from a slideshow at the Village Voice:

Versus this from our own slideshow:

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Please click on the above photo to see a slideshow of the Halloween night that never was. Bevan Dufty, we will get you for this. --David Downs

A Castro reveler learns the hard way not to jaywalk in front of 600 cops. All photos | Joe Eskenazi

Ratio of police to revelers resembles that of Montessori schoolteachers to students in spiritless Halloween nonbash

By Joe Eskenazi

Might as well admit it. I was wrong.

I thought the city’s frantic cries of “Don’t come to the Castro” would have a Br’er Rabbit effect and draw throngs of people. Didn’t happen. I thought malevolent drunks might square off with overly aggressive cops. Didn’t happen. And I thought I’d be out on assignment until 4 a.m. Not only did that not happen, the water trucks began hosing down the pristine, untrod Castro streets at 10:30 p.m. “Revelers” could still make it home for Matlock, theoretically.

T.S. Eliot be damned, Castro Halloween died with a bang and a whimper –- or, more accurately, nine bangs (the unfortunate folks shot last year) and one whimper (this year’s sorry excuse for a party).

While many worried this year’s nonevent would devolve into a chaotic “Halloween in Fallujah,” instead we got “Halloween in Singapore,” with those who did deign to show up on a damp, chilly night afraid to step off the curb lest they be bawled out by a traffic cop.

I had my doubts that the hundreds of thousands of revelers the city anticipated would put in any face time when, at 8 p.m., I noticed 25 or 30 police officers...

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Alix Rosenthal, the co-founder of Citizens for Halloween, sent out a jubilant e-mail this afternoon, claiming "a credible source in city government" revealed that San Francisco will — after all the ranting and raving about urine and feces running wild — rent 120 outhouses for the Castro non-Halloween fest.

"It may not prevent all of the public urination, but it is certainly better than no toilets at all," she wrote. "We are thrilled...

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Here are your Halloween headlines for the biggest nonevent of 2007 in San Francisco. --David Downs

Tow Trucks Final Blow to Halloween in the Castro:

San Francisco is pulling out all the stops to prevent a party in the Castro tonight, including the unkindest cut of all -- unleashing an army of tow trucks on hapless parkers.

Death of Castro Halloween -- Funeral Procession:

Halloween Night
Wednesday, 10/31/07, 6PM
Come join us to mourn the Death of Castro Halloween with a funeral procession from
Beale & Market to Castro & Market on Halloween Night Wed, 10/31/07!

16th St. BART Closed:

In an effort to discourage the annual crowds and potential violence, the 16 Street BART station will close at 8 p.m. Wednesday, and Muni's Church, Castro, Forest Hill and West Portal stations will shut down at 8:30 p.m., according to Police Chief Heather Fong.

16th St. BART Closures Irrelevant!:

FREE RIDES DURING 16TH ST./MISSION STATION HALLOWEEN CLOSURE
Dear Passenger:
BART and MUNI are working together to provide free MUNI bus rides between the 16th St./Mission and 24th St./Mission stations following the 8 p.m. closure of the 16th St./Mission Station on Halloween, October 31, 2007. BART will also provide free paratransit rides for disabled and mobility impaired passengers between the two stations.
SHOW BART TICKET FOR FREE MUNI OR PARATRANSIT RIDES

City Puts Screws to Local Business:

"It's more of a threat now. They say go ahead, stay open, but if you walk outside and some of your customers are a little buzzed, ABC's going to be right there and so will the police," says Lucre Torres of Marcello's Pizza.

SF City Gestapo Needs to Stop Halloween 'Cleansing':

As the elected representatives of the 16th and Mission community, we
call on BART to reverse its decision and agree to keep the station open on
Halloween night.
Chris Daly, District 6 Supervisor
Tom Radulovich, District 9 BART Director

100,000 Could Descend on City:

What started as an impromptu street parade of costumes nearly 30 years ago now typically draws about 100,000 from the Bay Area and beyond. Critics of the city's decision shake their heads at a campaign designed to drive people away.

500,000 People Could Possibly Show Tonight:

Halloween on the Castro began as a spontaneous and unsanctioned party but was taken over by the city five years ago after police recorded five stabbings and a number of assaults in a 2002 crowd of 500,000 people.

The Bewitching Hour has come — brother, can you spare an outhouse?

Will this year's Halloween in the Castro be the non-vent the city hopes for or the fetid, bloody riot neighborhood folks fear? To quote Brandt from The Big Lebowski, "Well, Dude, we just don't know."

In any event, your humble narrator, Joe Eskenazi, will be in the Castro tonight. So...

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Here's the best of SFWeekly.com this week as voted by your clicks:

1) The Top 15 Lame Last-Minute Costumes of Halloween

2) Craig's List Continues to Destroy America

3) Hey, Where is the Best Glory Hole in SF?

4) Local Doof Down on His Luck After Ionic Breeze Lawsuit

5) Tegan and Sarah Make Out ALL the Time!!

6) Thriller Dance vs. Dolores Park Die-In

7) Savage Love: 5-Year-Old Gay Kids

We report, you decide, San Francisco. --David Downs

So it's come to this: As reported in this week's SF Weekly, Castro residents concerned that a lack of Halloween Porta-Pottis will turn their neighborhood into a Porta-Potti are considering "toilet vigilantism."

The notion of the entire Castro being transformed into the men's room floor at CBGB's for Halloween is the latest turn in a strange and terrible saga we've been keeping a close eye on here at the Weekly.

So, if your enquiring mind wants to know more, click "more" for our Halloween retrospective...

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By Ty Callister
The City of San Francisco held an official Halloween in the Castro meeting on Thursday in an attempt to address public questions about this year’s dubious Halloween festivities. As The Snitch was the first to report back in August, the City announced it will not endorse the annual Halloween in the Castro party this year, sparking praise from some, outcry from others, and a general feeling of confusion about what the hell the city is going to do when tens or hundreds of thousands of people inevitably show up on October 31st.

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Don't forget to drag your malcontented ass down to the Halloween In the Castro meeting tonight at 7:30, at the Eureka Valley Recreation Center (100 Collingwood Street).

Concerned citizen Alix Rosenthal and her band of Paul Reveres will try to warn city supervisor Bevan Dufty of the impending Halloween doom! C'mon Dufty. All they want are some portable toilets and a little crowd control. Oh, and an admission of arrogance and bad planning. Is that so much to ask?

-- Brian Bernbaum

So, $40,000 later, the city's grand effort to ban Halloween in the Castro has come to this: flyers apparently designed by a five-year-old, a website and a series of low-cost YouTube, radio and TV spots. Similarly underwhelming was the city's plan to coax at least 130 Castro business to close early on Halloween. A grand total of 20 of them have actually agreed.

Judging solely by the quality of websites, the opposition is actually doing a better job. Citizens for Halloween is pressuring the city to install public restrooms and provide entertainment in the Castro. They say they're not encouraging revelers to show up, but assuming they will anyway. Not a bad guess, considering how the ad campaign has gone.

-- Brian Bernbaum