Think different, Apple tells the world. The Cupertino company, whose creations have defined our technological age, apparently applies the same innovative thinking to its tax evasion strategies.

Stuffing revenue in some low-tax, high-privacy bank in the Caribbean? 'Bout as forward-thinking as a Blackberry. Apple, as the New York Times reported today, uses nothing less than the iPhone 5 of tax havens, exploiting the loopholes of the international tax system in such a way that billions of dollars in profits have not been listed in any tax filing anywhere.

At the center of the operation is an Ireland-based subsidiary called Apple Operations International, which collected $30 billion in income between 2009 and 2012. Over the last five years, Apple Operations International has not filed a tax return in any country.

As USC law professor Edward Kleinbard told the Times, "There is a technical term economists like to use for behavior like this: Unbelievable chutzpah."

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Toglenn/wikipedia

Get your own daddy

Once an expensive city where youngsters could land and find a sugar daddy to cover their rent, San Francisco is no longer the place where lonely old men are eager to finance your lifestyle.

That ever so unscientific dating website, SeekingArrangement.com, has recently released its latest list of the nation's best sugar daddy cities -- and S.F. is no longer the reigning champion as we were last year. Apparently, if you want a sugar daddy, now is the time to move to Atlanta or Scottsdale, both of which topped the list. According to their annual data, nearly 6 of every 1,000 Atlanta men spends his cash on a sugar baby; here in S.F., only 5 of every 1,000 men are sugar daddies.

See also:
San Francisco Is Full of Sugar Daddies

San Francisco Is a City Full of Virgins, Survey Says

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Talking Points Memo

Not especially popular here

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California legislators are considering pushing last call back by two hours, to 4 a.m. So what better time for the beer industry to release a study announcing its economic impact on the state?

Fourteen states allow residents to buy alcohol past 2 a.m. But despite the Golden State's competitive disadvantage here, its drinkers are keeping a respectable pace.

California, which accounts for 12 percent of America's population, comprises 14 percent of the country's beer-related economic activity, at $34 billion, according to National Beer Wholesalers Association and the Beer Institute. That includes $1.27 billion in San Francisco.

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Qualified private activity bonds are low-interest, tax-exempt loans that the government issues on behalf of companies initiating projects with a "public purpose." It's roughly the same process that cities and states use to fund things like roads, parks, and schools. Except these benefit for-profit organizations.

Yesterday, the New York Times reported that the government has doled out more than $65 billion worth of these bonds to corporations since 2003. The biggest beneficiary: they Bay Area's own Chevron, which has received $2.6 billion.

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Come to Cali, we'll teach you all about the Revolutionary War

Earlier this week, Texas Gov. Rick Perry went on the airwaves, warning California that he was coming to poach our businesses.

Now the governor/failed presidential candidate might not know a lot of things, like what the voting age is, but he sure as hell knows that it's going to take a lot more than a $24,000 radio ad to convince California businesses to dump this breeding ground of beauty and head to that breeding ground of WTF.

See Also: 5 Reasons California Businesses Should Not Move to Texas

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Anna Latino

After hurling cups of pudding to surehanded fans, Ronnie Lott barks out "You're like Crabtree!"

Yesterday we reported on Jell-O's bizarre and more than a little demeaning plan to ease the pain of San Francisco 49ers fans by doling out free pudding to the hapless denizens of the Super Bowl's loser city.

The plan to unload large amounts of free food, often in San Francisco's grittier neighborhoods, went about how you'd think it would. A Jell-O commercial became an impromptu dispensary on Ninth and Market, as men and women in worn hoodies and grimy jeans groped with both arms into the pudding vat, carting off mass quantities of the ersatz dessert. "You're just supposed to take one!" snarled a pudding worker to a sunken-eyed woman smoking a cigarette down to the butt and loping away with a dozen pudding cups. Jell-O's smarmy tagline leading into their Loser Pudding giveaway was "nothing masks the bitter taste of defeat like the sweet taste of Jell-O Pudding!" Many of the folks helping themselves to armfuls of pudding apparently required extra large masks following strings of defeats a bit more consequential than losing some football game.

The workers regulating the flow of Jell-O to San Francisco's downtrodden population were polite and professional. But this was a rough gig. "I'd rather have a Vince Lombardi trophy, too," admitted one. 

See Also: Super Bowl XLVII: Damn It!
Super Bowl Losers Offered Mediocre Desserts


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Earlier today, Californians were struck by a new radio ad Texas Gov. Rick Perry put out, asking our state businesses to pick up and relocate to the Lone Star state. The governor/failed presidential candidate bragged about Texas' low taxes and easy regulations would make businesses life so much easier.

See Also: Top 5 Reasons Californians Are Moving to Texas

Okay, so you can probably make a shitload of money while killing trees and not sweat about getting sued. Still, you don't see the Googles and Apples of the world vying for Texan headquarters. As California Gov. Jerry Brown eloquently put it, anyone "with half a brain" is coming to California, not Texas.

And here are some possible reasons why:

5. Whatever money you save on taxes, you'll have to spend on building really big parking lots, like Texas-sized lots, and insane amounts of air conditioning.

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The voice doesn't need a holster

This just might be the ultimate crime of opportunity.

Today at 4 p.m. San Francisco security guards will march through the Financial District, demanding better wages, better benefits, and a little more respect protecting the city's commercial businesses.

Clear your calendars, thieves and miscreants, so you can get to work at 4 p.m.

See also: East Bay Man Relies on Tupac-Loving Alligator to Guard His Marijuana Stash

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Joseph Schell

Celebrate good times ...

In hockey terminology, "freezing the puck" is defined as "to cover up or immobilize the puck to force a stoppage in play." That, in essence, was the state of NHL hockey for the past four months, as the second lockout in just eight years melted away nearly half of the season.

With the abrupt curtailment of the National Hockey League lockout, life just became much more complicated for the San Francisco Bulls -- until quite recently the Bay Area's only bastion of professional hockey. As a AA-level affiliate of the San Jose Sharks, the Bulls are already feeling the reverberations of a higher professional ceiling. With players being yanked from the Worcester Sharks to the parent club, two Bulls and possibly a third will be lifted off the roster and are Worcester-bound, according to team vice president Ben Farhi.

Coach and president Pat Curcio, per Farhi, has been on the phone since 4:30 this morning trying to fill those roster spots. "Life just got more complicated -- but also more exciting," says Farhi.

See Also: Puck Yeah! Taking the Ice with the San Francisco Bulls

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