Here's How The Terrorists Have Ruined Valentine's Day For You
In addition to the many ways in which terrorists have fucked over America, they had to go and take the chocolate kisses out of Valentine's Day -- the one day we Americans show love for someone other than our iPad.
At least the TSA wants to see you naked
If you don't believe us, check out the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) latest bulletin, which described in great detail all the Valentine's Day-related no-nos if you're making plans to fly anywhere to celebrate this day of love with your love (or yourself, that's great, too!).
But we'll save you the trouble. So here goes: the final list of security checkpoint Valentine's Day rules:
- Chocolates: No need to drain the cream out of your cream-filled chocolates. TSA confirms that both regular and cream or liquid-filled confections will pass the test.
- Perfume: You will be allowed to take perfume that's 3.4 ounces or less in your carry-on bag as long as they are placed in the baggie per the 3-1-1 liquid guidelines. Larger bottles should be packed in your checked luggage.
- Flowers: Yes, you can bring fresh flowers through security, but not in a container filled with water. The TSA advises that you wrap the stems in damp paper towels and plastic wrap or foil to keep them hydrated while you travel.
- Gift Baskets: Those often contain lotions, oils, perfumes, and other romantic items. If you're carrying a basket through the checkpoint, you have to make sure all those liquid items adhere to the 3-1-1 liquid guidelines.
- Wrapped Gifts: You can pack those wrapped up diamonds in your carry-on, but if the gift seems suspicious for whatever crazy reason, then you can bet the TSA will unwrap it.
- Destination Weddings: If you're one of those couples who planned their destination wedding for Valentine's Day, just know there are rules about traveling with a wedding dress. Yes, you can take it on the plane. The dress can lay flat on the X-ray machine or officers cab screen the gown manually, but they will have to open the garment bag (don't worry they'll wear gloves).
If you have confusion or complaints, don't call us, call the TSA's Contact Center at 1-866-289-9673 or email them at TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov.