Gay? Blame Your Mom's Bad Habits, Doctor Says
In case you need another reason to be mad at your mother, feel free to blame her for your gayness. At least that's what Dick Swaab, the former Director of the Dutch Institute for Brain Research at the Royal Dutch Academy of Arts and Sciences is claiming.
As if Dick Swaab's name alone, and excessively wordy title, don't bolster his credibility, he also wrote a book, We Are Our Brains: A Neurobiography of the Brain, from the Womb to Alzheimer's, where he states that smoking, stress, or doing drugs while pregnant increases the chances of having a gay or bisexual child.
"Pre-birth exposure to both nicotine and amphetamines increases the chance of lesbian daughters," Swaab told the Sunday Times. So the next time anyone tries to stand in the way of your cocaine habit, simply tell them that you are preparing to further the homosexual agenda.
"Pregnant women suffering from stress are also more likely to have homosexual children of both genders because their raised level of the stress hormone cortisol affects the production of fetal sex hormones."
On a personal note, our mother neither smoked, did drugs, drank alcohol, or even coffee during her pregnancy, and we still turned into a fruitcake.
Dick Swaab, who we can't help but noting is 69, notes that the more older brothers a boy has, the greater chances that he'll be gay, which is something we've read before. "This is due to a mother's immune response to male substances produced by boy babies in the womb, a response that becomes stronger with each pregnancy," says Swaab.
Since the science behind Swaab's claims aren't mentioned in the article, nor do we have a copy of the book, we can't outright refute it, but the whole premise seems rife with wackery, if you ask us. If a mom's cigarettes/stress/drug habits were causal to homosexuality, wouldn't there be a notable increase in gay babies in recent years, or at least the years where we encouraged pregnant women to smoke? Also, nicotine and amphetamines are relatively new concepts historically, whereas lesbian sex has been around since the dawn of cucumbers. And what about the thousands of animals who engage in bisexual and homosexual behavior? We doubt that giraffes, though certainly smug, have meth habits they aren't telling us about. Of course, Swaab isn't claiming that womb stress 100 percent guarantees your future dick-sucking tendencies, but still, we call shenanigans.
As if that weren't enough to ensure Swaab's rise to blogosphere saturation, his other controversial claims include the idea that teenagers' annoying behaviors may be evolution's way of preventing incest, and that difficult births may cause schizophrenia, autism, and anorexia.
One quasi-positive takeaway from this Swaab story is that if sexuality is determined in the womb, it "demolishes the argument, often made by ultra-conservative groups, that gay people can be 'cured.'"
Great, now where is our Ritalin?
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