SF Techie Explains How BART Strike Became an Entrepreneurial Geek's Wet Dream

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Flickr/Steve Rhodes
The longer the line, the better the app
By SF Techie

My fellow entrepreneurial geeks and I were texting the other week about how awesome it was to finally disrupt transportation in SF. Sure, a "BART strike" or "labor dispute" is one way to look at it, but it's not one supported by the data.

This was actually a whole new paradigm for meat-world transport options emerging out of the most entrepreneurial culture in America. I know at least 12 people who were able to leverege your inability to get to work into a million-dollar Venture Capital investment opportunity.

Not showing up is the new showing up. It's going to change everything.

But the only way we can truly embrace technology's ability to connect and unite people across all boundaries for the common good is if labor unions stop bargaining collectively. What they call a "labor action" is in fact a social virus that sabotages technological innovation as measured by the number of graphic designers and code warriors who can leave Oakland per minute. It's disruptive - but in a bad way, if you can imagine such a thing as a bad disruption.

"Unionizing" is an outdated form of social technology - and it shouldn't be brought to work any more than a horse and buggy should be driven to work, although buggy-themed bicycles are cool. A collective bargaining unit is an antiquated social network, it's MySpace in a world where MySpace is only referred to ironically, and is incompatible with the meritocracy that the big data revolution has created. Because if data tells us anything, it's that you are already paid too much.

Using data, we can tell exactly how much money a worker is worth, how much less we can pay him, and how to keep him at the office and away from his family. There's no need for people to bargain collectively because we have that data, and it's far more objective than what a few thousand blue-collar workers think about their own lives. Who asked them anyway? Crowd-sourcing works infallibly for everything but salary and benefits. Everybody knows that. If you needed a raise, there would be a meme about it.

By challenging the data, unions challenge the meritocracy that data has created, and even Big Data itself. Limitless data exchange has supercharged every aspect of life, from dating to politics: but it absolutely forbids people the right to band together to better their situation. Data wants to be free, and salaries want to be as close to free as possible. That's the way the world works now, and it's a better world. A world where those of us who have homes can get to them conveniently, and everyone else can go wherever it is they go. That's not our problem: We built a better world.

So watch out, unionized workers of San Francisco! You may drive the trains, but you have angered the people who drive the most innovative economy on earth! You are in our sights, and we will innovate right through you like an app cutting through butter, which it will be able to do someday. I don't know which 20-something innovator is going to be the one to out-think you, and whether it will come in the form of a car with a mustache or a drone that delivers exactly the amount of pizza you need based on your Body Mass Index. But whatever it is, it will leave no trace of the old way of doing business behind. Just like we did for journalism, which is so much better now, and everyone loves us for it.

We came for neighborhood bookstores, which everyone hated, and now we're coming for you.

SF Techie founded San Francisco's largest Neuro-Memetic Imaging Digital Monetization Incubator.

Aspiring assistant Benjamin Wachs contributed to this report.

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3 comments
Dan Verel
Dan Verel

^It says pretty clearly that it's satire.

hplovecraft
hplovecraft

Hail to the Ubermensch ! The Super Man lives ! I knew that techies were basically

fascist but I'm being ironic..

Aryeh Canter
Aryeh Canter

This is disgusting and border line fascist. And explains why I will never move back to San Francisco after growing up there (if this was written saracstically then it was a poor joke)

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