Mr. Marina Contender Talks About the Event That Declares One Beautiful Beefcake to Rule All

douchebags .jpg
Saturday morning douchery in the Marina
While San Francisco gets a bad rap for being dirty, grungy, and chock-full of panhandlers -- the city also boasts a softer side, a better coiffed and more dapperly dressed side. We call it the Marina.

Later tonight, one fine (competitive) man will be crowned Mr. Marina and get all the fist-pumpin' swag that goes with it. While the Marina gets dubbed as the district filled with the drunken douchebags, this cancer charity event might make you think twice before lashing out at these guys.

SF Weekly got the chance to have a quick pre-contest confab with Johnny Affourtit, one of 10 final contenders who'll be showing off their biceps and much more at Ruby Skye among 1,000 adoring fans.
Johnny shows off his ski skills (and abs!) at Tahoe. "Fact: Skivvies runs guarantee you'll never have to buy beers the entire day! "
SFW: So you're kind of an impostor aren't you? Don't you live in Pac Heights?

JA: I do. But my heart is in The Marina. (Sighs in happy remembrance.) All those cute girls and good bars. 

SFW: But The Marina is more than that ain't it? It's like...a "lifestyle"?

JA: Oh yeah. It's close to the water -- which is kind of extravagant -- and it's beautiful. (Dons a shit-eating grin.) And really vibrant. 

SFW: (I'm dubious.) Vibrant? With what?

JA: (Looks at me like I must be a damn fool). With bevvies of blonds. 

SFW: How how'd you get involved in this he-man shenanigans?

JA: Actually, unbeknownst to me, I was nominated by my two lady-friends about 4 months ago. 

SFW: Oh no. "Lady-friend?" We talkin' a girlfriend? Because I'm not gettin' people's hopes up only to have them dashed to pieces.

JA: Don't worry, I'm single. (Raises his brows) But after tonight? Not for long.

SFW: Your modesty is so refreshing. So why'd you agree to do it?

JA: For a good cause and great exposure. 

SFW: Savin' the world with snug trousers and well-coiffed hair. You must be catching some heat from your friends for basically starring in a male beauty pageant.

JA: Ya know, on the outside, I'm a little embarrassed, but on the inside, I'm secretly enjoying it. 

SFW: So what about your competitors? You got them beat or what?

JA: There are 10 guys and they're strong, but conquerable. (Laughs.) In other words, I'm not worried.

SFW: So are there are gonna be any surprises for you tonight or do you know each other's tricks and talents? 

JA: We know a good amount about one another's talents, but not specifically. Personally, I've got some Super-Soaker variables. 

SFW: How did you decide on your talent?

JA; I had an undisclosed muse. But I have absolutely no performance background other than karaoke...

SFW: Ooh. Do Tell. What's your favorite song for karaoke?

JA: (No pause.) "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias

What are you favorite haunts in The Marina? Where can I tell the ladies to try and scoop you up with a glass of fine malt whiskey?

JA: Tell them to swing by Reed & Greenough or the Tipsy Pig. 

SFW: What are you up to in your free time other than drinking, dancing, wearing French cuffs, and slammin' super-fine booty? 

JA: I love hiking, did Half Dome not too long ago. I supplement my work-outs with yoga. Sun-bathing in Fort Mason.

SFW: I hope your red face matches the rest of you, Johnny. Otherwise that ain't gonna look too pretty once you got your shirt off tonight. Get your head in the game, man. Assuming you get your tan under control, what are you gonna do to celebrate your inevitable victory?

JA: I'll take all my pals and all the contestants out to a good time.

SFW: Can I come?

JA: (Looks dubiously at me.) Depends if you've anything a little tighter and more pastel.

My Voice Nation Help
Joshua Nelson
Joshua Nelson

Love the Marina, all the hot girls and crazy aliens and good eats.

Now Trending

From the Vault


©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.