Texans Petition Obama to Let Lone Star State Secede
After threatening another Civil War if President Barack Obama won reelection, the bitter folks down in Texas and Alabama are attempting to make a graceful exit from the United States of America and create their own (damn scary) government.
Some 30,000 people have signed a petition, asking Obama if Texas could please sever ties with the rest of the freaky union so it can continue its intolerance in peace.
See also: Texas Judge Hopes Obama Will Win So He'll Have an Excuse to Start Another Civil War
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Here's what the petition says:
The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government's neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.Funnily enough, it's not just Texans who want to see Texas go -- there are a handful of signatures from denizens of the left-leaning sates, including New York, Oregon, and yes, California. All of these helped would-be secessionists surpass their goal of 25,000 signatures; as of Monday evening, 30,894 people signed in support of of Texas bailing.
Denizens of other southern states, including Alabama, Kentucky, and Florida, have started similar petitions, hoping the White House will release them from this Obama-ruling country.
Alabamans, for instance, cited the founding fathers in their request to be excused from the United States, claiming they would want it this way.
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."
According to the White House, if the petitions get enough support within 30 days, they will be sent to the appropriate policy experts for review.
It's worth noting that We the People, the White House's online petition platform, has hosted other kooky requests, including asking the feds to acknowledge the existence of extraterrestrials and to reveal the White House beer recipe.
UFOs, beer, and secessionism. Just another day in the South.