L.A. Dude Lists What He Loves to Hate About San Francisco

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We already know San Francisco has some imperfections. Parking is a bitch, (along with transportation in general), panhandlers are always asking for our hard-earned cash, Supervisor Eric Mar makes us look stupid, and there are too many uncovered penises running amuck in the Castro. But what would we be without this array of eccentricity?

Adam Tod Brown will tell you. The Los Angeles transplant got a real taste of San Francisco when he lived here for a short three months. He published a list on the humor site Cracked.com ticking off all the horrible awesomness he noticed while living in the City by the Bay.

Here's what he came up with:

San Francisco Is Nasty. In what other city has human feces amassed so much in local escalators that they were unusable for anything other than taking a crap? Okay, we get it -- that's gross, but you can clean that shit up in a day or two, as opposed to the smog in Los Angeles; that toxic stuff goes straight to your bloodstream.

We Protest Way Too Much. True. We'll take a sick day to protest on behalf of a gay cookie if we thought it was being treated unfairly. But that cookie has feelings too, you know!

Anarchy: Brown complains that San Franciscans are like unruly children, burning the place down after eating too much sugar. But it's not the kids' fault, right? It's the cops -- or lack thereof. Brown says, "By the time you see a cop in San Francisco, it's been so long since you've seen the last one that you assume they just disbanded the entire police force and decided to try getting everyone stoned to keep the peace instead."

Here's an example of the city's "indifference" to a bizarre event.

Well, we have news for Brown: He isn't exactly living in Pleasantville. Just Google the phrases  "Los Angeles police" and "Rodney King" and you'll see.

We Like Dicks. Brown couldn't help but point out how many bare penises are seen flapping around San Francisco. However, this is something he actually misses about our strange city. But  not because he likes to look at them; it's because they make him look less stupid by comparison. "Don't doubt for one second that, if you're in San Francisco, someone in your general vicinity is stark naked. Just find them and stand nearby. Nobody will even know you're alive."

Kimberly Sandle

And finally,

We Get Crazy with Food. Most of us just stuff ourselves silly with burritos made in the Mission (yum!). But Brown notes that there's more to the city's cuisine than rice and beans. The food here is as eccentric as the people you see. Where else will you find a naked person eating a glazed donut burger?

Meredith Brody

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