San Franciscans Might Be Healthier if They Drank Even More Alcohol

Categories: Health

You would think that a city that restricts residents from overindulging on calorie-packed Happy Meals and nicotine would rank high on the charts of obnoxiously healthy. But alas, Marin -- a county filled with binge drinkers and crappy public transit  -- outdid us on this front. Don't worry, S.F., we can still proudly say we're no. 1 when it comes to being the home of sugar daddies.

Newly released health statistics concluded that while Marin County residents were among the healthiest in the state, just across the Golden Gate Bridge, San Franciscans were only the 24th healthiest. We fared even worse than San Mateo (which is filled with elderly residents), Alameda (high crime), and Santa Clara counties -- and Santa Clara doesn't even have BART.

How can this be, you ask? We came up with some sound reasons why we're not quite as rosy-cheeked as our Bay Area counterparts.

5. The smell of piss is toxic.

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