Tim Tebow: Jesus Smiles Upon San Francisco By Sending Him Elsewhere

Categories: Sports
Tebow prays.jpg
Our prayers have been answered
More than a few sportswriters couldn't resist marital analogies during the 49ers' recent pursuit of Peyton Manning. And, hey -- it works. The team's for-better-or-for-worse union with Alex Smith finally experiences some of the "for better," vows are renewed -- and cue an aging but hormonally active bombshell (Manning).

It warrants mentioning that Smith just completed his seventh season with San Francisco -- meaning the team experienced the Seven-Year Itch. Wow, perfect! This is the only feasible way to compare Peyton Manning to Marilyn Monroe. (On a lesser note, you can liken the 49ers to Tom Ewell and Smith to Evelyn Keyes).

When you chase two women, the frequent result is ending up with no women. The Niners have patched things with Smith, the living embodiment of adequacy. There are worse things -- and worse things than ending up with nothing. You could land Tim Tebow.

Tebow's friend Jesus has done the 49ers a favor, however, ensuring the marginally talented quarterback and future conservative politician will suit up far, far from here in New York.

There is an upside here for the anointed one. He'll probably get to meet Jeremy Lin. He'll likely ingratiate himself with teammates who have definitively soured on current New York Jets QB Mark Sanchez. He has a legitimate shot to supplant Sanchez, and there will be calls for him to do so at the slightest misstep from the well-paid starter. And New York has more 24-hour churches to go along with 24-hour restaurants and bingo parlors than Denver or San Francisco. If Tebow can duplicate his success in New York City, he will sell more jerseys than God -- and, considering their close relationship, they can likely work out an agreeable profit-sharing deal.

Of course, there's the converse to all of that. Not everyone can thrive in the big city. But one need not necessarily be supremely talented to be a beloved -- and successful -- New York athlete.



Take Joe Namath. The image of Broadway Joe jogging into the locker room after Super Bowl III, pointer finger extended, ensured his place in the city's pantheon. But take a look at Namath's statistics. Far from being great -- they're not even really good. 

Namath had a career losing record. He tossed more picks than touchdowns. He barely completed half of his passes. Yes, it was a different time and the stats do not entirely translate. And, yes, Namath's marks are still in many ways superior to Tebow's stat sheet. But the point is this: There is no surefire equation for success -- and success will go a lot further than numbers or the talent required to produce them.

Tebow will not wear fur coats on the sidelines, soap up with 1970s dreamgirls, or sport the greatest of all mustaches. But his peculiar cultural cache will bring in millions of fans, and success will ensnare even those put off by his primordial brand of overt religiosity.

But that's an issue for those on the other side of the country. The 49ers have retained Alex Smith -- which probably doesn't make anyone feel great, but we should all feel good. That's the Alex Smith experience.

There are worse feelings to have. If Tebow was here, we'd have Smith withdrawal.

Follow us on Twitter @TheSnitchSF, and @SFWeekly

My Voice Nation Help
6 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
e_dog
e_dog

I'm not sure how many quarterbacks could have replicated Smith's performance in the playoffs against New Orleans. Smith deserves to be treated and regarded a lot better than he has been.

Amen
Amen

Hey lighten up, sadly to many people have no idea what they are missing.San Francisco is still the  (Bay of St. Francis of Assisi) and always will be Thank God.

lancer44gt
lancer44gt

Tim Tebow is a first class guy who does not compromise and boldly speaks his mind about his faith and strong conviction. For that reason, he should be praised and admired because not  many athletes are like him. The media picks on Tim due to his strong Christian faith and get mocked by it. This writer is as classless as it gets with the way he wrote this article. I am a 49ers fan and I would love Tim to go there. I am more than sure that he would make a positive impact in the locker room and especially for the city of San Francisco. Tim you're the man!

HenryJ
HenryJ

 It's NOT Tebow time in San Fran.  Smith is our savior....remember that!

Joe Eskenazi
Joe Eskenazi

 Dear sir or madam --

It's great to love your wife -- but jumping up and down on the couch like Tom Cruise is peculiar. In the same way, it's great to be a man or woman of faith -- but to ostentatiously make it part of your public persona is something different.

Tebow is not mocked by anyone simply because of his Christian faith. Christians, it seems, make up a majority of this nation's population; any politician running for even the most perfunctory of offices is required to publicly profess a belief in God above. With all due respect, for Christians -- and Christian Protestants for that matter -- to play the victim card is silly. Tebow is mocked, as noted above, for the ostentation and gaudiness of his professions of belief.

It also warrants mentioning that Tebow's father's ministry is active in the Philippines, administering to the population there -- which is overwhelmingly Christian (though Catholic). That, to say the least, is interesting.

Still, Tebow comes off as a great guy. Honest. Humble. A respected teammate. But it's not as if Alex Smith is a degenerate. I'm not sure San Francisco's locker room needs a "positive impact" -- and, on the field, Tebow is clearly a downgrade from Smith.

As for whether the city would do well by having Tebow here, that's for individual San Franciscans to decide. He's welcome to come; the weather is clearing up. But it would not have been a positive development for him to have come here to supplant Smith.  

Let's wish Tebow the best in New York, where his success would give him a massive platform to disseminate whatever message he chooses to.

JE

Kip20
Kip20

let Tebow go as a free agent and then can attend a divinity schoo land become a preacher

Now Trending

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...