OccupySF: How To Get Laid by the 99 Percent

Categories: WTF?
occupycondom.jpg
The official Occupy condom.
We learned a couple days ago that the Occupy protesters are a horny crew, advertising their plaints for love and sex on Craigslist.

Well, perhaps those services can be rendered, also thanks to Craigslist. A dude calling himself Barry McCockiner -- who is also seen spanking his stuffed monkey on YouTube (definitely someone with good advice) -- has posted the Holy Grail on how to get some tail at the protest of our generation in Craigslist's  "Rants and Raves" section.

A few highlights include his advice on posing as a single dad or an interested reporter to break the ice at these events. Better yet, why not say you are an art major? We're rather entertained by McCockiner's wit, especially his attempt to "out-hipster the hipsters."

So read on you frisky protesters, success may be yours. Here's his love manifesto in its awesome entirety:

"How To Occupy HER Wall Street: A Guide To Getting Laid By The 99%"

I was walking around at the Occupy camp last night and what I saw was a lot of media, very few police officers, some protesters and mostly gawkers like myself. I also witnessed a butt load of guys trying to get into the corduroys of cause-head college girls, here's what was working.

F*ck Weed, Bring Granola Bars - Any cat with a box of Kashi granola bars was more popular than the dude with good weed.

Bring Multiple Phone Chargers - A hipster with an iPhone charger draped around his neck very eager to help anyone of the fairer sex who needed juice

Don't Be Afraid To Dress Up - A man dressed in Arrested Development-y "Hot Cop" fashion, chanted, "F*ck the cops! F*ck the cops!" This demonstrates your passion and willingness to go the extra mile. Chicks love that.

Lead The Chant - There was power in leading chants. Mainly the chants were either "The whole word is watching," and "Wall Street, our street, Wall Street, our street." Since they often competed with each other it sounded like "The whole world is Wall Street." The best chant ever - "Show your tits!"

Play The Art History Major Card - Oh yeah, I was an art history major too. Isn't it bullsh*t we can't get work in this economy?" and also effective was, "Actually I'm a engineer but I like to support the 99%."

Out-hipster Hipsters - "I was here before it made national news."

Single Dad Trumps Dog Owner - In the chick magnet department there were more guys with strollers than guys with dogs. "Yeah, I wasn't going to bring my kid down with me but his mother split on us. . ."

Pretend To Be A Journalist - Curious journalists. A lot of men who didn't look like they worked on news desks pulling women aside to get their take on the situation.

Advertise - A guy had a sign that read: "Single Conscious-Minded Male Seeking Similar-Thinking Female. Meet Me By The Bongos."

Get Her Info On The Sly - "That's so smart, I'm totally going to tweet what you said, what's your Twitter handle?"

--
More Offbeat Occupy News:




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11 comments
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Lagarto1R
Lagarto1R

I like the idea of getting screwed by the 99%  but I know that the 1% has screwed everyone already so they must be the best and most experienced di*ks.

WINNING!!!
WINNING!!!

I quit laying you motherfuckers a LONG time ago!!!

Elizabeth Frantes
Elizabeth Frantes

BTW anyone acting like this when I'm around helping to keep an eye on things will find himself being kicked out and roundly abused. 

Elizabeth Frantes
Elizabeth Frantes

Us old folks remember when assholes would always try to use whatever movement was going on as a way to get laid.  This proves we should castrate most males at birth and use only a few for breeding purposes.  Women don't need predators stalking them. 

Mpmckenna8
Mpmckenna8

Hey there are plenty of predatory women as well

bankrobber
bankrobber

I hate snarky articles like this- about folks that are actually working trying to change something- by people who get paid to wittily complain and joke about the ones trying to make change. Keep it up, maybe you'll get laid by Dennis Miller.

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