Muni Masturbation: It's Not Just Us

Categories: SF Oddities
Thumbnail image for MUNI-diesel-hybrid-bus.jpg
Masturbate-a-ton on wheels.
It's now been three weeks since my awful experience on Muni, as the 8X turned into the 8XXX, a public pleasure palladium on wheels for the man in the backseat who sat there openly masturbating. Gross!

The story prompted readers' to share their disturbing tales. The winner was the victim of a scuzzball dropping lice on her head while she slept on BART during her morning commute. One amusing dude commented: "Im actually on the buss jackin' it right now..hhahaahhaah suckas." 

Another reader scolded me for not making a scene to embarrass the man on the bus or reporting it to authorities, accusing me of simply enabling the behavior. "If any guy on Muni started rubbing on me, he'd be picking his teeth up off the ground."

Okay, so she has a good point. 

Yet we may not be the only enablers. Paul Rose, spokesman for the MTA, tells us that the 311 tip line gets only about five masturbation reports a year. But we're guessing Muni masturbation is underreported.

We asked Rose for some details. He's been going through 311 reports from the last two years, and came up with a recent episode on the 43-Masonic. On August 9 at about 7 a.m. (apparently Muni masturbators get it up early), a rider noticed a 6-foot black man, aged 25 to 30. Strangely enough, that fits the description of the guy beating it off to the Snitch a couple weeks ago, but it's too general a description to be sure. 

Anyway, this rider's story sounds even more awful, in that she (we're assuming it was a she) was trapped in her seat, unable to move as the man masturbated beside her: 

"When I got on the bus, there was a man on the front. He looked at me as I walked by and I sat down on the seat in the back of the bus right next to the door, the back exit.
Later on I noticed he walked to the back of the bus and stood in the aisle, blocking my way. If I'd got up, I couldn't move to the front of the bus, the way he was standing. At first I wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Then I looked up and he had his jacket draped in front of him, with the side exposed; and he had, and I looked up and he was masturbating."

We know the shock, sister. 

"I tried to look to see if there was a way to move, and get to the front of the bus. There was nothing I could do. I just sat there. There were two people on the back of the bus, they didn't notice what he was doing. I was afraid that if I said something, he might do something to me. Then he got off, at the stop before Parnassus - Cole and Carl I think. He did it enough to be discreet but enough so that I could see what he was doing."

This perv must be purged from public transit.

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Carry a taser and taser that MOFO right in the you know where.  Now why are all the pervs seem to be only men?


Local 'color'. A 'tourist attraction' asset as it were. One of SF's many flavors. At least that's what some , here in 'the city' , would surmise.


I once saw a guy jerking off on BART without even trying to hide it. I reported it via the little intercom, and their response was to hold the train at the next station for like TEN MINUTES while BART police walked through looking for the guy. They stopped to ask me for a more thorough description so all my fellow passengers knew I was the jerk to blame for their being late. I learned my lesson -- never reporting anything that's not a safety violation again!

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