Five Things You Can Do If You Find a Lightly Used Prosthetic Limb

Categories: WTF?
This morning, we woke up to the bizarre story by Chron columnist C.W. Nevius -- and no, it wasn't about feces on the street. Instead, he tells us a lovely vignette about Al Fraser, a local fisherman who stumbled across an artificial leg in the bay.

"I looked at it and it is almost new,'' Fraser tells Nevius. "It is in great condition, and you could see that it had been barely worn.''

Since prosthetic limbs are not cheap, the good-hearted fisherman called the Coast Guard, hoping to get it back to its owner (it's in great condition!). But even if someone doesn't claim the leg, Fraser shouldn't just let it sit in his garage. He could . . .


5. Make a lamp out of it: Nothing could be better than the original leg lamp from A Christmas Story. But still this replica of 1940s electric sex would make for nice reading light.

4. Cheat in a three-legged race: This one seems obvious. Just clip that sucker onto your belt and go, go, go!
3. Regift it: True, there is probably very few opportunities out there to give this lightly used leg to someone as a present. However, it would make a great white elephant gift for those dreaded holiday parties. 


2. Take it on the town: You've got something special here. Own it! Put some fancy fishnets on that babe and take her out for a night on the town.
1. Play footsies with it: Who doesn't like a little love and affection? So what if it's an artificial leg. It will be good practice anyway.

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Able Dart
Able Dart

Interesting story. Back when I worked at the Daily Journal there was a homeless guy named Don who had an artificial leg. When panhandling, he would take off the leg for max effect and stash it in the SFWeekly rack in front of Fox Plaza. This was fun to take advantage of - the City Attorney's office was in Fox Plaza at the time, and if I knew he had the leg in the rack, I would casually ask various politically ambitious persons I ran into if "they saw the piece in the Weekly about them. Needless to say, they went right to the rack and saw the leg, and no copies of SFWeekly. One day Don went back to the rack and the leg was gone. We assumed the Weekly truck guy took the leg, I called George Cothran (who ironically is at the City Attorney's office now) and asked who I should talk to and I think he forwarded an enquiry to the circulation dept, but we heard nothing back. Don is still looking for his leg.

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