Joe Nedney, Who Saved Humanity from Killer Robot, to Retire

Joe Eskenazi

Nedney vs. the killer robot ...

​Joe Nedney, the 49ers kicker whose frequent lower-body injuries couldn't keep him from rescuing civilization as we know it from a killer, field-goal-kicking robot, is expected to announce his retirement today. From kicking, that is. He may yet once more save humanity at such time as his services are required.

Since the 49ers have been wretched to just shy of mediocre for the past nine seasons, it was easy to miss how well Nedney performed as the team's kicker. A specialist can help a subpar team only so much, but, now that he's apparently calling it a career, his numbers do stand out: He made 86.6 percent of his field goals for San Francisco, never missed an extra point, and scored 541 points.

All of that pales in comparison, however, to the foggy April morning last year when Nedney lined up against Ziggy the killer robot as humanity's champion.

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Nedney, victorious

​A Robogames competitor, Ziggy had been retooled from flipping robots to flipping footballs -- and came in billed as accurate from 60 yards. But the pressures of competition -- well, really, the lack of pressure from kicking off dirt and grass instead of cement -- showed. Nedney easily bested his mechanical competitor, at one point even offering friendly advice -- which Ziggy's handlers took.

"I've brought a bit of legitimacy to my position," Nedney told the media scrum, a gold medal draped around his neck. "Everyone says, 'Even a robot can kick a field goal.' Apparently not."

Nedney's replacement on the Niners won't be Ziggy, but longtime Eagles All-Pro David Akers. He is a damn good kicker. But can he put one between the uprights with the fate of humanity riding on the outcome? We shall see. We shall see.

Ziggy settles for silver. Humanity is saved.

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