Five Reasons It's Better to Have a Dog Than a Kid

Categories: Animals, Humor
Not too long ago, I witnessed an woman accompanying what appeared to be her infant grandchildren to lunch. She rocked the stroller back and forth, while spewing baby talk and breaking off small pieces of cheese to feed them.

But upon closer examination, I was perplexed and somewhat disturbed when I saw that there were two small dogs -- not kids -- inside the stroller, dressed in sporty T-shirts. This kind of pampering your pets as if they were children has become so bizarrely commonplace that I wasn't all that shocked to read today that there are more American households with dogs than there are with children.

But when you think about it, it does seem more logical to own a dog rather than care for your own offspring. Here's why:

1. You don't have to pay for college: By the time your kids turn 18, they've bled you dry of your surplus emotions and money. And now you have to pay for them to go to some crappy university to just get wasted. But dogs? Well, they won't even live to be 18.
 
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32 comments
Nataliewest
Nataliewest

It's true, a dog will never "tell" you they love you. Rather, a dog will SHOW you they love you, everyday, no matter what. They want to be with you, ride in the car with you, put their head in your lap, go running with you even when its pouring rain and 35 degrees outside. They greet you EVERY time you come home, even if you've left them to go on vacation. They act as if they haven't seen you in years. They never judge you. There are many people who say that animals don’t know how to love. BS! Humans ARE merely another species of animal. Love is not defined by human actions. Rather, it can be tainted by human actions (war, greed, religious arrogance, prejudice).  A dog's love is truly unconditional.

dog poop bags
dog poop bags

thanks for tell us five reason why dog is better than a kid

Bluemooki
Bluemooki

You. Are. SUCH. a RETARD.

Kids don't just love you if you buy them stuff. It all depends on how you raise them. Yeah, sure. Raise them to always get something in return and sure they will only care about you if you buy them stuff.

The person that said this: 3. There's a good chance you won't outlive your kids.4. A dog can never tell you they love you.5. A dog will never cause you to well up with pride as they graduate from college.     

Is a genius.

YOU were a kid once, do you think your parents thought of you in the same way? You wouldn't even be around if your parents though it would be better to have a dog instead of a kid.

And, here is the mindblowing thing: This comment here, was written. By. A. Kid.

MarCH
MarCH

"By. A. Kid."  -- one who obviously did not do well in school . . .or at least not in reading and writing.

leavetheusa
leavetheusa

There are "pros and cons" to this story - and sometimes you don't always get what you wish for!!... If you have kids enjoy them while they are "young" - because it only gets worse as they get older and dogs don't continually "answer you back" like some out-of-control kids!! I have had both!! 

oaker
oaker

landlords can't discriminate because you have a kid, though. or charge an extra deposit.

Ash
Ash

oh guys, stop this, there's pros and cons to both children and dogs. both live and can show affection and admiration and both crap and growl at you when you try to take things away from them...its all up to preference. Do you prefer doggy drool or baby spit-up?  To each his own.And for those of you with the extra big hearts who carry both the pooper skooper and the diaper genie around, BLESS Your HEARTS!

BillSnebold
BillSnebold

Adult dogs are more like children who never grow up. Babies drool in their first year but dogs drool their entire lives. Children wet and poop their pants until sometime in preschool, but you have to pick up dog poop for their entire lives.

MarCH
MarCH

Fine. Then don't get a dog.  But meanwhile, my taxes pay for your kids' public education. And you also get a tax write-off.  Our dog will never scream or kick the back of your airline seat for 5+ hours as one couple's obnoxious, spoiled spawn did on one of our trips.  The parents??? They did nothing to stop it.  Instead, they screamed at me for not being more tolerant.  Part of the charm of the dog is precisely that he stays young -- we do not get smart-mouthed or screamed "I hate you" . . .ever.  And he never wants to borrow the car to go out with friends we don't like.

Bill
Bill

What an amazing expert you are on an event you weren't at and know nothing about. For your information it was a very large dog and I was already an adult at the time. The dog had my entire hand in his mouth and would have chewed it off completely if the owner hadn't pulled him off. Trust me I really did need medical care.

By the way, it seems pretty easy to piss off just about any dog. Casually walk past almost any fenced yard in our neibourhood and you'll be treated to some mutt loud angry yapping.

kitkat30
kitkat30

Ha, I bet you were pissin the dogs off, just like you're trying to do to people on here.

70% of people that go to an emergency department DON'T NEED TO BE THERE.  Usually the visit is so ridiculously minor it can be treated either at home or a clinic.  My guess is your parents are just as retarded as you are and that's why they took you to an emergency department for most likely a tiny bite.

Cash Martin Lee Frost
Cash Martin Lee Frost

Bill, if I were a dog I would bite your ignorant pathetic ass too... If I had the misfortune of being your son I would kick your ass as soon as I was able to.  Just from your troll comment, I can tell you're not on anyone's A-list and probably not the sharpest tool either.  My suggestion to you would be to not only NEVER own a dog, but also NEVER have any kids.

BillSnebold
BillSnebold

I promise that I won't get a dog. They smell bad, slobber on you, chew on your furniture and piss on your carpet. I've had german shepherds chase me on my bike while on my paper route when I was a kid, bare their teeth at me just for looking at them sideways, and once a neighbor's dog bit my arm which landed me in the emergency room. Who needs them?

BTW, who paid for your education? Or did you skip school?

Mu
Mu

Obviously written by someone who hasn't experienced the joy of having children.

BillSnebold
BillSnebold

5 Reasons It's Better to Have KIds Than a Dog:

1. A dog will never be able to give you grandchildren.2. You never have to go out in the rain to watch your kids poop on your lawn and then scoop it up into a plastic bag.3. There's a good chance you won't outlive your kids.4. A dog can never tell you they love you.5. A dog will never cause you to well up with pride as they graduate from college.

kitkat30
kitkat30

1. Oh okay, so i'll have a kid so in 25 years from now I can MAYBE get a grandkid?2. Big deal, you have to wipe a babies ass for 3 years and their crap gets all over you and the furniture.  You're really not better off with a baby in the shit department.3. People outlive their kids all the time, have you seen the suicide rate these days?  Drug overdoses?  Car accidents?  Lets get real here.4. A dog doesn't have to tell you it loves you, it shows you every day.  A child will tell you they hate your guts all the time if you don't buy them shit.5. Oh College yeah... IF they go.  So many people these days are mediocre.  This reason is dumb, im going to have a kid so that MAYBE one day they go to college, and MAYBE graduate?  Get real.

bluecanary1
bluecanary1

1) Who wants grandchildren?2) Dogs are housetrained in a few weeks, kids a few years3) Don't know why this is a benefit4) Dogs will also never scream "I hate you." Or ask you to drop them off three blocks from school because they're ashamed to be seen with their dorky parent5) A dog will never disappoint you by skipping college to work a crap job and play Xbox. Nor will he require you to drop six figures on his education.

Hey, I love my kid, but he's a way bigger headache than my dog.

Adri
Adri

Yes dogs are housetrained.... but they still poop outside.  Picking up dog poop is hands down more disgusting than changing any diaper plus eventually you won't have to deal with your children's poop anymore but your dog's poop......forever, until they die. Ugh...I love our dogs but I hate picking up their poop.

kitkat30
kitkat30

Big whoop, there are pooper scoopers, or if your dog is small enough, a hand trowel.  Baby shit is way more disgusting.

MarCH
MarCH

Hello???? Dog poop is usually picked up with a bag.  The bags cost almost nothing and the addition to landfill is negligible compared to years of baby diapers, wet cloths, etc.

Soonerguitarist
Soonerguitarist

Its a statistical fact that the smarter people are starting have less kids. Why? Because they drain your bank account so frigging fast. Its really the ultimate ego trip. "And to know that you're going to be an influential person in someone's life". Please. Thats what this over populated world needs...more screaming, drooling babies who, odds are, will NEVER amount to anything substantial. Statistics do not lie and they are more likely to end up working a mediocre job or sucking up welfare money than they are to be someone that truly moves society forward. Not to mention its a crap shoot. Your kid may turn 16 and get knocked up by her douche boyfriend. Congrats! There is no logical reason to have kids other than the continuation of the species. And if you ask me, we could do with a bit more logic in this world.

Me
Me

There's something very wrong with people that don't want to have children at some point in their life.  It is driven by a selfishness that I just can't fathom.

Barry Duncan
Barry Duncan

Written by someone who sounds like they don't have kids?? You'll never know what it's like to have a newborn snuggle into your arms and neck, and know that you have a new life, filled with infinite possibilities waiting for them, right there in your arms. And to know that you're going to be an influential person in someone's life. I've had a dog and I have kids. I don't have to scream at a kid in my yard @ 3am because the damn possum is running on the roof, I don't have to worry about my kid crapping on the living room floor. And doctors bulk bill. Good luck finding a vet that bulk bills. And kids cuddle. Dogs don't.

kitkat30
kitkat30

Sorry, but your reasons are pretty weak sauce.  You won't be up at 3 am? Ha!  You'll be up all night every night for YEARS trying to stop them from screaming their heads off.  Taking them to the ER because they won't stop screaming.

Filled with infinite possibilities?  Please, count on your fingers, out of EVERYONE you know, how many of them have done something amazing that changed the world?  Hmm what's that?  None?  Yeah....

And yeah, you do have to worry about your kid crapping on the living room floor, cause i've seen someone's kid do that.  I've also seen my cousins kid piss on her apple laptop and fry it, then shit on her dinner table and play with it.  AND, he shit on her white duvet blanket as well.

bluecanary1
bluecanary1

But I know what it's like, and the author is accurate.

BillSnebold
BillSnebold

The author's premise is that it's better to have dogs than kids. That's a personal preferrence not a fact that can be proved accurate or inaccurate.

Luxsolutions
Luxsolutions

true... but puppies are cute, grow up faster than newborn humans, and you do influence them.  you also will have to calm the screaming child at 3am because they heard a possum on the roof, and yes, you do have to worry about your kid crapping on the floor (at least until a certain age).  dogs cuddle.

nothing against children, I'm sure they are worth every moment, but dogs are a lot easier to board when you want to take a vacation.

Spencer Cox
Spencer Cox

Don't forget "Your dog will never turn fourteen, start taking drugs and viciously turn on you until they're moving out."

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