Trent Baalke Is 49ers' GM. Quelle Surprise!

Categories: Sports
Huh. Didn't see that coming.
Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers concluded their comprehensive search for a new general manager without leaving the training facility. In-house favorite Trent Baalke was hired to fill the vacant position -- a move only slightly less predictable than the plotline of a Popeye cartoon.

What other amazing developments are pending in 49erland?

  • Team retains red and gold as uniform colors

  • Players, coaches continue to credit supreme being for their workplace success

  • Players, coaches mention team's "great tradition"

  • Cheerleaders wear short skirts, tall boots

  • dwight-clark-san-francisco-ers-sports-illustrated-autographed-photograph-3371529.jpg
    Team continues to endeavor to score more points than its opponents and, thus, win

  • Niners play home contests in lovable old shithole Candlestick Park

  • The team's nickname, 49ers, will still be a reference to Gold Rush times

  • The ball the team plays with continues to be longer than it is wide

  • Touchdowns remain seven points. Field goals are three. Safeties are two. How many points is a drop-kick?

  • Team continues to stink

Follow us on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF and @SFWeekly

My Voice Nation Help

Now Trending

San Francisco Concert Tickets

From the Vault


©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.