Republicans' Love/Hate Relationship With the Gays

Categories: Politics, Queer
pink_elephant.jpg
Is pink the GOP's color after all?
The Week in Gay

Republicans are much more entertaining than Democrats, don't you think? They make the most outlandish and flamboyant statements without a hint of irony about the incredible insincerity of their positions. Democrats usually just bite their lips waiting for the antidepressants to kick in. 

The midterm election is making conservatives do very odd things. They are squawking like a crow with a butt plug and at the same time they are bending over forward to make themselves more easily accessible to LGBTs in hopes of spurring an anti-Democratic protest vote this fall.

This Week in Gay is all right-wing carrot and stick...

Even if there is more right-wing carrot than usual this season, the hand wielding the stick is the favored one -- and it is harsh and relentless. For example, a Minnesota school district has had three suicides by gay teenagers in the past year. Families and friends of the teens are pressuring the district to make changes to address the issues of bullying that makes life miserable for gay adolescents. But -- of course -- there are heterosupremacist parents making a fuss.

A representative from Focus on the Family spoke on CNN this week to explain the position. Candi Cushman said, "...parents are having homosexuality lessons presented to their kindergarteners in the name of anti-bullying." Really? Candi, I want to know which schools are doing that. I need remedial instruction. Do they offer an AP course?

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The caption for this photo on Rep. Sally Kern's website: "Shortly after Sally tripped in a pot hold and was really soaked from head to toe." Uh huh.
And we can always count on good ol' Rep. Sally Kern from Oklahoma to chase the gays around the barnyard. Kern believes that homosexuality is a bigger threat to America than terrorism. This week she repeated that claim, and elaborated on it a bit, too. Terror attacks on American soil may be few and far between, but "...every day our young people ... are bombarded with the message that homosexuality is normal and natural." Every day! Bombarded! Well Gol-ly! Ms. Kern, you piano-legged women of the American midwest are not keeping up with the emerging trend in the upper echelon of the Republican hierarchy.

Politico reported this week about the growing list of filthy rich and well-connected Republican kingmakers who are coughing up big dough to help pay the team of attorneys (Ted Olson and David Boies) working to toss out Proposition 8. Take note, Sally and Candi: There are cornhole enablers voting the same way you do! You might not be sparing the rod, but your well-heeled fellows are spoiling the child.

Even Carly Fiorina and Charlie Crist are talking tough but presenting as compassionate conservative (a concept which is "so yesterday" don't you think?). Fiorina aligned herself with President Barack Obama's position in regard to same-sex marriage during her debate with Sen. Barbara Boxer. (Thanks for that, Mr. Prez!). See -- she is centrist, just like Charlie Crist, the governor of Florida who wants to be a senator. At first, Crist said that he supports a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. But he then he clarified his position, and said he meant state amendments only, not a federal amendment. Ah. Much better.

By the way, kudos to San Francisco's own Matt Baum, who dissected the rhetoric and exposed the lies perpetuated in an ad put together by the National Organization for Marriage. Baum flashes his 5 o'clock stubble (carrot) and shoves the stick right up -- never mind. He did a great job and maybe people grasping for ways to rebut some of the NOM horseshit will learn something from his work.

If they don't there is always a chance that another San Franciscan will make some waves this fall. Margaret Cho will be competing on Dancing With the Stars starting this month on ABC. Although Cho may just make Sally Kern's fear of homo instruction slightly more valid.

FYI -- Dancing With the Stars airs immediately before the master class in heterosexuality, The Bachelor / Bachelorette. Phew! Gotta raise them kids right!

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag without piano legs but with yesterday's hair-do and a carrot in his ass.

Follow him on Twitter at @UppityFag and @TheSnitchSF     

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