Will Sit-Lie Law Destroy Haight's Dating Scene?

Categories: Local News
cook to bang book cover.jpg
Includes how to cook for Haight Ashbury sidewalk dwellers...
Where is the love? Cookbook suggests proposed sit-lie law could destroy local dating scene

San Francisco has long suffered notoriety as a place where it's difficult to get a date despite the existence of flocks of young single people. Women complain they can't find quality partners; men are technology dorks afraid to engage females.

A possible solution? Exploiting the dating possibilities of the homeless runaway and bridge-and-tunnel tourist district known as Haight Ashbury.

An author named Spencer Walker has written a new guidebook with a section apparently devoted to the San Francisco dating landscape. Titled "Hippie Harlots," the section claims to be a primer on the Haight Ashbury dating scene -- a scene that just may die if visitors aren't allowed to sit or lie down in public anymore.

According to Cook to Bang, the aforementioned primer on home-cooked meals prepared to entice potential dates, Hippie Harlots are found in San Francisco, at ultimate frisbee games, and at Burning Man. And they respond well to fried tofu, writes the author, who admits to "occasionally trolling Haight Ashbury for bohemian booty."

If San Francisco passes a sit-lie law, however, could such excursions -- and romance-themed organic cookery -- become a thing of the past?

Summer of food love
According to the book, male hippie harlots wear Birkenstocks, white-boy dreadlocks, and carry a glass bong that's like a girlfriend. Female ones smell like lavender and BO. According to Walker, the key to Hippie Harlot dating is to prepare food that's organic and vegan, then do yoga.

"It's a challenge to please hippie harlots' moral outrage with traditional taste-rules-all culinary techniques," Walker claims. "Yet plenty of hippie-crites still eat seafood or eggs."

He recommends preparing either a tofu stir fry, or organic burritos.

However, Haight Ashbury sidewalks, where one would presumably find a person to invite over for such a burrito, are the target of Police Chief George Gascon's sit-lie law.

Should it pass, the resulting hostility and infringement of civil liberties may make the neighborhood a glum place for hippie hookups. And we might see a decline in Walker's style of cuisine.

So for the sake of everything that's organic and tasty, can't our top cop just leave the Haight be?

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