The Week in Gay: Defense of Marriage Act Indefensible

Categories: Queer
Judge Joseph Tauro
The story of the week: A federal judge in Massachusetts declared that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) - passed by Congress in 1996 and signed into law by President Bill Clinton - violates the U.S. Constitution.

In his decision, Judge Joseph Tauro (A fiery young radical aged 79 - who was appointed by Richard Nixon in 1972) wrote, "Congress undertook this classification for the one purpose that lies entirely outside of legislative bounds, to disadvantage a group of which it disapproves. And such a classification the Constitution clearly will not permit," They passed DOMA just because they wanted to stick it to the homos. Ain't America grand?

An appeal is expected - but what will this mean for the Obama administration? How vigorous of an appeal will it file when relations with the gays aren't exactly rosy? At this point an appeal might be good news. Yesterday's decision only affects Massachusetts. An appeal could broaden the reach of this long-overdue rebuke of DOMA. Queerty raises an interesting question in the aftermath of the DOMA decision: Did the US Congress (and President Clinton) willfully violate the Constitution by passing DOMA? 

Further evidence of mistrust between the federal government and the gays was shown on Thursday as the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) cautioned LGBT military personnel against completing a survey of the troops that addresses the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell.

The survey - which queries about whether or not soldiers are comfortable sharing toilets and showers with gays -- was sent to 400,000 military members via e-mail. It is supposed to be confidential, but the entire process was called into question in a CNN story.

Would you feel comfortable taking a dump next to this man?

What gives? How many military personnel have to say they would feel funny in their dirty parts if they pooped next to a gay before the repeal is rejected? How does anyone in the military feel better if the guy in the next stall is gay but doesn't tell? Is that somehow comforting? Is this what Donald Rumsfeld was talking about when he rambled on about "known unknowns and unknown unknowns"?

Of course the radical religious right are squawking up a storm - about anything and everything. Robert Knight forecasts on-base abortions if gays are allowed to serve openly. Catholics are mad at Jay Leno for making jokes about rapist priests. The religious fanatics are so freaked out that Anita Bryant has been recommissioned from the lunatic mothball fleet.

The Today Show was bitch-slapped this week by gays for sponsoring a competition between couples looking to get married and consenting to be whored out for ratings -- but not allowing any same-sex participation. Rude! We want to be just as shallow and materialistic and mawkish as you are, straights! Well, after a week of guff, Today relented and extended the deadline by one day so gay couples can apply. How much do you want to bet they don't pick a gay couple to be one of the four to appear in the contest? I'd put $50 on it. This was a ploy for free publicity about a stupid competition that will help NBC more than anyone else. Congrats!

Also on television this week -- a moment of pique directed at our dear friend Jon Stewart and The Daily Show (and we're not talking about that Olivia Munn-Jezebel thing). Sure, Denis Leary is a regular laugh riot and he and Jon probably don't 69 after a few beers (although mutual masturbation is always on the table). But did he really have to call himself and his fellow actors "fags" compared to firemen? And then did he have to elaborate by implying that he is so gay that he screams louder than a crying baby on fire -- because gay people are that ridiculous? Even if he has the license to be such a macho prick, why doesn't our righteous pal, Mr. Stewart ask his guest to shut the fuck up? Would that be more rude and uncalled for than what Mr. Leary said?

And, yes, I do have a sense of humor. I can mock the gays and I do it without being egregiously mean-spirited. Just wait until the Emmy awards in fall. The Outstanding Actor in a comedy series category features two nominated gays of note: Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother) and Chris Colfer (Glee). This competition (unlike the one on Today) is certain to be as entertaining as a gang fight in West Side Story.

Now that will be Must-See TV!

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag who would do anything for ratings. Anything! Follow him on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF, @UppityFag, and @SFWeekly


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