The Week in Gay: Heterosexual Bloodbath

Categories: Queer
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This week, let's check in on the heteros
The National Organization for Marriage is on a month-long, 23-city tour in the U.S. to promote heterosexual supremacy. During the tour, NOM is depicting itself as the victim of a campaign similar to the one they are engaged in to marginalize and defame LGBT families. NOM bears false witness against its neighbors while displaying its holy street cred by speaking in tongues at rallies. Nice!

While this tour is in full swing, it seems appropriate to take a break from the usual format of the Week in Gay and instead take a look at how the heterosexual ideal is making us homos look bad. Take notes, gays, and learn from the stories of the straights in the news...

This was a difficult week to be an autistic child of heterosexual parents. A mother in Texas decided that she wanted normal children and strangled both of her autistic kids after they refused to drink the bathroom cleanser she served them. There are lots of steps to follow in the proper technique used for raising kids -- steps that don't come naturally to gays. This is why heteros should have a monopoly on marriage. The expertise didn't just come overnight. A year ago this couple was in trouble with Child Protective Services because they left one child "sleeping at home while they rushed (the other) to the hospital with respiratory problems." This is how it's done!

Further lessons in the master class of child-rearing can be found in Washington state, where a 17-year-old boy managed to contact the police after his throat had been cut by his mother's estranged fiance. What was the fiance's problem? The police "believe the suspect had problems with the autistic child." The ex-boyfriend is accused of killing one child -- the twin of the autistic child -- and the mother. This is family values -- the ideal that is held aloft without scrutiny. The only requirement for traditional marriage is opposing genitalia.

But don't take the wrong lesson here: This isn't about coping with autistic children only. On Tuesday, a woman in Concord stabbed her 10-year-old daughter before fatally wounding herself. The daughter survived the attack, and hopefully she will breathe a sigh of relief that her parents were one man and one woman. It makes a difference to kids!

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Gov. Jim Gibbons is free of his "enraged ferret in a phone booth."
Of course it makes a difference! Just ask Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons. His messy divorce was finalized Thursday. He is the first sitting governor in the state to get divorced. That's history-making heterosexual dominance being displayed. This governor knows what is important in this troubled world where traditional marriage is under attack. That is why he referred to his ex-wife as an "enraged ferret in a phone booth" in court documents. Gibbons also vetoed domestic partnership legislation for gays in his state because he believes in the sanctity of marriage.

A Georgia resident, married, father of four children, a CEO, and the son of a preacher man was caught by an undercover cop waxing his bishop in a park known to be a hot spot for public sex between men while in New Jersey for a class reunion.  A scuffle between the cop and the married man ensued and ended when the cop shot and killed the married diddler.  Clearly, this fellow wasn't paying close attention to the goddamn rules of heterosexual supremacy in America. Real men do not go to parks and get off with other guys when they are on a weekend away from the fam. That is a transgressive no-no! He was a bad heterosexual man! 

Listen up gays: This is how it's done. Get it right. Just ask Mel Gibson. 

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag and he is gonna whoop your ass!  Follow him on Twitter at @UppityFag and @TheSnitchSF  
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