Semen Not Compostable in San Francisco

Archie sexual.jpg
In San Francisco's era of mandatory composting, city officials want you to obey the law. But they do not want you to take the law into your own hands.

Regardless of what awaited behind the green door, sexual fluids are unwelcome within the green bin, according to the city's Department of the Environment.

In fact, says department spokesman Mark Westlund, the only bodily fluid you can compost in this city is snot. Bloody tissues? Throw 'em away; there's the specter of pathogen pollution. Bloody feminine products are doubly unwanted -- they're often made with composites that just don't break down.

Joe Eskenazi
Be sure whatever you toss in the green bin is not on fire
But you'd be surprised at just what you can toss into the composting pile. Sexual paraphernalia is unwelcome -- but tea bags are fine! Even if it has a staple in it, the green bin is the place for teabagging.

Also, cigarettes and cigars -- whether post-coital or not -- are compostable. The filter portion of a cigarette, however, is not. And "We don't want any hot items going in there, really," notes Westlund.

No, that would not be sexy.

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