'There Is No Antennagate': Steve Jobs Wants You to Buy iPhone 4, Stop Bothering Him

Bread, circuses, and free crap for all you whiners...

​No longer able to ignore the mounting flack from the press for ignoring the cries of enraged geeks -- and the empowered geeks at Consumer Reports --  Apple CEO Steve Jobs today addressed the sea of complaints about the iPhone 4's spotty antenna reception. Mr. Jobs was ready for his close-up at his Cupertino headquarters in front of select journalists and live-bloggers at 10 a.m.

What came next was an admission unfathomable for Apple disciples: "We're not perfect."

The gist of the conference: Apple is sick of everyone making much ado about nothing, so iPhone 4 owners will receive a free case in return for keeping their mouths shut -- a much more economical solution than the massive recall some wanted. (Next time, wish for a pony.)

Of course, Jobs presented that message much more politely and scientifically.

We're not perfect, he said, but look at all these other phones that are worse. Citing a bevy of data, he threw other companies under the bus in an attempt to demonstrate how the iPhone 4's signal strength is a universal phone problem. While reports are now circulating that Jobs was long ago informed by his chief antenna scientist that the iPhone 4 was problematic, the CEO said this was "total bullshit."

"There is no Antennagate. ...there is a challenge for the entire smartphone community," he said. In other words: Our antennas may be janky, but we're still a hell of a lot better than any other option out there.

​"We love our users," Jobs repeated time and again. Implied: But we'd love you even more if you would shut up. Considering that only 1.7 percent of iPhone 4 customers have returned their phones, and 0.55 percent have been thoroughly vexed enough to call Apple's customer service center, he may have a point. "That's just one half of one percent," he emphasized.

Next, Jobs admitted that the new phone drops more calls than the previous model, the 3GS. "Even though we think the iPhone 4 is superior to the 3GS antenna, it drops more calls per 100 than the 3GS." Following this logic, if superior means worse, Jobs is spot on.

With the blame effectively passed off to the slippery demon that is technology, Jobs was Father Christmas again, with gifts to bestow upon his appeased followers:

the free case, including refunds for anyone who had already purchased one

• Not just a free case, but a CHOICE of cases

• A refund for customers who bought a bumper
  

Jobs concluded with the reminder that the white iPhone 4 will be available soon. Soon you will never look better while losing reception.

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