Nattily Dressed Masturbator Lurks in Park

Apparel like this was just the start of it...

​A man with a notable sense of fashion -- and a notable lack of apparel in the one place society demands you cover -- was reported terrorizing passers-by in Crocker Amazon Park.

At a shade before 9 a.m. on Tuesday, a woman spotted a man in the following memorable get-up: A 28- to 30-year-old, 5-foot-8 and 170 pounds wearing a green beanie, plaid shorts, a beige long-sleeved shirt, and slippers.

He was also masturbating and invited the woman to have sex with him.

Two male park-goers then intervened and the masturbator "ran away toward Prague," according to the police report. Prague the city is east; Prague the street is north.

Officers could find neither hide nor hair nor plaid shorts nor slippers of the alleged pervert -- though the victim claims his appearance rang a bell and he may live in the area. Excelsior residents: If you see a man with plaid shorts, slippers, and a green beanie, do not take the law into your own hands no matter what he takes into his own hands.

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