Average Frisco Penis Longer Than Typical L.A. Prick
|We're happy with ourselves today...|
Condomania averaged up the sizes of the custom-sized TheyFit condoms ordered by 25,000 men in the United States since the product went on the market in 2004. This month, the company decided to analyze the cubic volume of all those cocks and release the statistics from "this incredible cache of data."
So how'd we do?
San Francisco ranked a respectable No. 8 among the nation's 20 most populous cities, while Los Angeles came in at a stumpy 17th. And L.A. seems to be feeling a little down about their shortcomings, noting that even Ron Jeremy couldn't carry the team. Basically they're taking their loss like a man, concocting lame excuses about how not a lot of men in L.A. even wear condoms so the stats are skewed. Wah, wah, wah.
Taking the gold, silver and bronze for cock volume were New Orleans, Washington, D.C., and San Diego, in that order, and the shortest losers were Detroit, Philadelphia, and Dallas/Ft. Worth.
As for states, California came 12th.
How accurate can this actually be? Well, Condomania's Director of Technology Chris Filkins makes a good point on the press release: other studies have men report their penis size just for the sake of recording the measurement, and men being men and all, they are likely to exaggerate. Yet "our database is comprised of men looking for the best fit condom for safety and comfort, and thus, we believe, apt to be more accurate."
We asked for the average measurement of a San Francisco cock from this "incredible cache of data," but the company spokesperson Adam Glickman said they aren't releasing the info. Classic dick behavior. Basically, the message was akin to the last thing a girl wants to hear when the pants come off: Just trust me.
Glickman just resorted to repeating stats from a press release that said penis sizes nationwide fell into "almost a perfect bell curve:" 25 percent of males buying on the Web site are under 5 inches in length, 50 percent are between 5 and 6 inches in length, and 25 percent are longer than 6 inches in length. Hey, we know how to read a press release, Dick Boy. We want data!
To see the city and state rankings in full (other than, you know, data), check out Condomania's Web site.