Silver Linings of Muni's Pending Service Cuts and Fare Hikes
|No, no -- this is for the best!|
Good times, good times.
But since it seems inevitable that something horrible will happen regarding Muni -- we've never been disappointed yet -- perhaps it's best to look on the bright side of life:
- Muni's proposal to cut back late-night buses to only once an hour will be a boon to the city's hard-hit mugging, looting, and aggravated mayhem industries
- The self-esteem of city dwellers will be boosted when they exclaim "I could walk there faster than that!" -- and they really can
- Those quarters you were saving for the laundromat can now be applied to bus fares -- and sitting on Muni will immediately provide a need for a laundromat. So -- everyone wins!
- Absolutely packed trains and buses will provide you that many more chances to meet your future soulmate
- Sitting in urine -- yet still being thrilled to have a seat -- will induce more thoughtfulness when contemplating the plight of the less fortunate
- Riders watching buses drive past wheelchair-users sitting in the rain because there is no space for them on crowded vehicles will be that much more determined to avoid ending up in a wheelchair
- Riders watching seniors being forced to shell out three times what they were paying for a senior pass in December will be that much more determined to avoid getting old
- Crazed street preachers will finally have the captive audiences they desire
- Like foul ball-obsessed fans at a baseball game, Muni riders will be invited to keep any parts of the under-maintained trains or buses that fall off and rattle their way
- More and more chances for earnest Muni spokesman Judson True to finally toss up his hands and bellow, "Fuck it! I can't defend this shit no more! Attica! Attica!"
Photo | Earthnik