Seen in S.F.: White Tiger Prowls the Mission

Back off, Roy!

​Open letter to the person who abandoned a perfectly good white tiger on York and 20th Street last night:

Dear Sir or Madam:

Have you no decency? What kind of person can't appreciate a perfectly good replica of a white tiger with realistic plastic tongue and fangs? Do you have too many splendid white tigers already? And if so, has it occurred to you that there are people in the world with no white tigers? Would you throw away food in front of a starving person?

Maybe you think you are above white tigers. If that is the case, ask yourself this: Are you better than Siegfried & Roy? The answer is almost definitely "probably not."

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you just don't realize how awesome white tigers are (although I find this hard to believe). Here are some facts: They can walk on water in outer space. They are majestic. They like hugs.

If, after having read this, you've reconsidered your choices (and I assume you have) rest assured, you're too late. I took your white tiger home with me, and I'm never giving it back.

Thank You.

Don't even think about touching this dude's recycling.

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