Drivers Still Going Too Fast On Bay Bridge? How About Putting Up Risqué Billboards?
|You can't see her if you don't survive the trip -- it's an incentive!|
But why focus on death and destruction? Why not, instead, celebrate our sex-positive Bay Area culture by installing racy billboards on the beleaguered S-Curve? (The above is just an example; scantily clad men, groups of men and women, or hermaphrodites would also work).
God knows that would get people to slow down. And God knows that the state could use the ad revenue. It's a win-win.
But it's not the only way drivers could be convinced to slow down:
- This sounds like a job for a four-hour Gavin Newsom YouTube lecture
- Install second toll plaza prior to SoMa off ramp; give one dollar to everyone who signs pledge that he or she didn't speed on the S-curve
- Dangle terrifying prop big rig precariously over the edge of the bridge to scare drivers straight
- Play loud recording of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger bellowing "Get Down!"
- From now on, bicycles only on the eastern span. Okay, Vespas too
- Police, Caltrans redefine definition of "traffic accident" lowering total of S-curve "traffic accidents" from 40-plus to three with the stroke of a key
- Flashy Chevy Monte Carlos employed as official Bay Bridge Pace Cars
- Comedians have long joked that, at 55 mph, the white highway lines pass at the exact cadence of the song "Duke of Earl." Obviously, we need to find a 35 mph song. Early candidates: "Bittersweet Symphony"; "God Gave Rock 'n' Roll To You"; "Strawberry Fields Forever"; "Down By the River"; and "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"