Craigslist Free Stuff: Thanksgiving Leftovers Translated

In case you didn't get to consume quite enough last night, the great repository of all things left over has got you covered. And this time you can actually scoop up leftovers in the traditional sense. On the surface, these may seem like run-of-the-mill bids to unload unwanted excess, but if you look closely you can uncover the interior human dramas. We helpfully translate them for you.

Translation: Thanks for the sweet potatoes, Step Dad, but no thanks. The kids hate them. I've told you a million times, but you never listen to me,anyway. Not that it matters.

Translation: We invited all these people over for dinner and no one showed up because our friends who live across town deep-fried a turkey and everyone went there instead. I guess if you're into cheap stunts, then that might be your bag. Those guys are always trying to upstage us. We've always hated them.

​Translation: God, last night was fun. Oh, man. When Trevor put the lampshade on the dog's head, that was really a riot. A total riot. Sorry, not trying to brag. I mean, you should have come. We invited you! Sorry, we knew you were having your own party. But, I mean, we were tired of just doing the same old thing. I mean, it's nothing personal! Seriously. Some people really like green bean casserole. They do. Anyway, do you need some oil?

​Translation: None needed. Yet another person's sense of charity is crushed by the Holiday Season. Their existential crisis is your grocery boon.