San Francisco News Blog

Audrey Fukuman

​The other day, Gavin Newsom's gubernatorial campaign gave the little people a chance to select which logo San Francisco's erstwhile mayor ought to use. While we appreciate being pandered to as much as the next constituent, you'd have to be myopic to not observe that all of the choices Newsom has shoveled into our trough are lousy and indistinct.

So, we're being proactive. Instead of merely casting our lot for the least terrible of the pre-selected Newsom logos, we've commissioned a trained professional to create newer, better graphics that the candidate's handlers should feel free to pilfer. Well, not free. These logos cost us two beers. A man's got to eat (drink), so, we'll part with them for, say, four beers (no low-carb crap, please).

The first logo, above, is an amalgamation of past and present. The young people can be made to gravitate toward Newsom -- a man with a knack for saying nothing, but saying it charismatically -- via the reference to the Keanu Reeves character from The Matrix (who, astoundingly, said nothing and did it uncharismatically). Meanwhile, older voters will be swayed by warm memories brought about by this 21st-century version of the famous Richard Nixon campaign pin. Did you know Nixon ran for governor of California, too -- against a member of the Brown family, no less?

But, wait -- we've got more:

Audrey Fukuman

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