Sure, Muni's Grand Plan To Keep Train Passengers From Being Flattened Is a Bumper Sticker. But Have You Seen These Bumper Stickers? They're Massive!
San Francisco is a city in which a significant portion of leadership probably can't watch Robocop without thinking "That ED-209 had promise; we could use one of those." So it probably didn't sit well with everyone that the hot new method of keeping motorists from mowing down pedestrians disembarking from Light Rail Vehicles announced by Muni on Friday was ... wait for it ... a bumper sticker!
Joe Eskenazi It's big, uh-uh, Muni's not ashamed. Big like a pickle, and Muni's still gettin' paid.
That was our first response too. Until we saw the bumper sticker. The term "bumper sticker" doesn't do this thing justice. It is a bumper.
Pilfering a ruler from our colleague, we leaped off the platform and ran down onto the tracks to measure that baby. It's a cool 24 inches across and (though the train rolled off before we were done) six inches high. And we want one.
Calls to Muni querying whether members of the general public can have these eye-catching bumper stickers/tablecloths have not yet been returned. But, should we obtain a stack, there's a number of things we could do with them (that may or may not promote the non-crushing of Muni patrons, the ostensible purpose of these gargantuan stickers):
- Wear it around our heads like Muni safety jihadists;
- Use three or four to construct our own safety vest;
- Measure them next to my breadbox to answer that question once and for all;
- Give a few to Frank Chu;
- Wear it like a soccer supporters' scarf;
- Who needs place mats now? Just stick four of these on your tablecloth and hose them off every so often;
- Slice it into 150 flypaper strips;
- Paste 10 of them together lengthwise and escape from the third floor to freedom, FREEDOM.