Awesome Biking Checklist: Pump, Gloves, and $40,000 in Drug-Tainted Cash


When it comes to navigating the streets of San Francisco, life isn't fair for avid bicyclists.

Take the case of a Wisconsin cyclist who apparently had the ride of the century planned when, in May, he sent a FedEx package through the San Francisco airport en route to a friend's place in Eureka, where he planned to move.

The package included some bike gloves:


A bicycle pump


And a hydration pack:


Federal agents at the San Francisco airport, however, thought the man's idea of a bike ride seemed kind of crazed.

Not the man in question; simply an illustrative example

They opened his package and took out the gloves, pump, water bag, and packing peanuts. They also took out $40,000 in small bills.


Agents placed the package in a room with Dugan, a Belgian Malinois dog skilled in detecting odors of heroin, Marijuana, cocaine and methamphetamine. Dugan alerted to an evidence bag containing the money. An agent called the cyclist, who -- according to a forfeiture complaint filed in San Francisco Oct. 15 -- "did agree that it was not a smart idea to list his parents' home address  on a Federal Express airbill which possibly could contain the proceeds of a drug transaction or monies used in furtherance of drug trafficking."

The Snitch thinks that's a mouthful for the cyclist to have really said over the phone to a DEA agent. And we've chosen to entertain the possibility that there's a valid, even bitchin', explanation for the contents of the package. Imagine the most awesome bike ride ever. It would start in Eureka. It would traverse gorgeous North Coast dirt roads -- and thus require gloves, a bicycle pump and a back-bladder. It would end in San Francisco at the Mark Hopkins hotel with a three day party for the city's cyclists -- and include a free buffet, endless champagne, and crystal party favors for everyone.

Call us. We can make this happen.

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