Meet Chris Parker, the Most Talented Manure-Shoveler Running For Statewide Office

Chris Parker -- wait for it! -- knows his shit.

​The other day, we checked in on Assemblywoman Fiona Ma's Twitter feed -- it's a habit we can't kick. We were immediately rewarded with an apparent jaw-dropping non-sequitur from Ma during her "dispatch" regarding a meeting with fellow Democrat Chris Parker:

Mtg w/ Chris Parker, a tax atty for the Franchise Tax Bd running 4 Bd of Equalization District 2. His 1st job was shoveling manure. Cool!

Our confusion as to why Parker would bring up his extensive experience with excrement was only heightened when Parker himself subsequently told us that he did this during a dinner meeting with Ma. Yes, the man launched into a discussion about planting a shovel into mounds of moist, pungent piles of shit during mealtime. But, to be fair, Parker says that Ma decided to Tweet this message during dinner -- so their faux pas even out.

But, wait, there's a good reason for this. The Sacramento-area attorney with the state's Franchise Tax Board told SF Weekly that he was basically giving Ma the Cliff's Notes version of his stump speech over a nice meal -- and, yes, he talks about shoveling shit while politicking. "Look, Board of Equalization is not one of those sexy positions like legislature or Attorney General," he says. "This is kind of an ice-breaker. It's an attention-grabber" 

You know, he's right. You would perk up and pay attention when a man talks about his past shoveling dung. But you may not know what the Board of Equalization does.

Parker, 34, grew up in a small Oregon town called Tualatin. In order to earn his allowance as a kid, he was impressed into cleaning up after his parents' horses. Neighbors noted his skill with a shovel, and paid him to clean up after their steeds as well. Parker estimates he shoveled manure from the time he was 10 all the way through high school.

The candidate's declared opposition for the District 2 seat on the Board currently stands at one Democrat and four Republicans; District 2 -- whose expansive boundaries you can see here -- is considered a Republican seat, but Parker believes registration drives brought about during President Obama's campaign have altered the voting base.

And if he isn't successful in this his maiden political voyage -- well, he definitely has career skills to fall back on.