Republican Committee Accuses Nancy Pelosi of Cutting Sweetheart Deals for Her 'Nephew,' Gavin Newsom -- Who Is Surprised to Discover He's Pelosi's Nephew

By Joe Eskenazi Mon., Aug. 3 2009 at 12:01 AM

Categories: Politics

No use hiding it, Nancy! We know your secret!

A blustery Friday release from the National Republican Congressional Committee accused Rep. Nancy Pelosi of playing hardball politics to wrest Treasure Island away from the Navy. No surprise there -- that's not the first we've heard of that. But the Republicans' rationale did strike us as odd: The committee accuses Pelosi of directing federal funds to her hometown to benefit her nephew -- her "nephew" being Mayor Gavin Newsom.

Say what? The release -- which also uses the term "last Wednesday" to describe a meeting that took place in 2004, appears to have been removed from the NRCC's site. Here it is below:

Aunt Nancy.doc

Is Gavin Newsom really Nancy Pelosi's Nephew? We asked the man who ought to know best -- mayoral spokesman Nathan Ballard.

"These conspiratorial coxcombs are confused about consanguinity," replied Ballard, showing a flair for alliteration and GRE-level words.

"The mayor's father's sister was at one time married to the Speaker's husband's brother. So the Speaker's nieces and nephews are the Mayor's first cousins," he continued.

"For the black helicopter crowd, this kind of diagram is too difficult to sketch. So, instead they call her his aunt."

It's not exactly on par with Bill Wyman, but that is a difficult family tree to ascend. So, rather than cause everyone's heads to explode, we'll reveal that Nancy Pelosi is the aunt of Gavin Newsom's cousins -- which also makes Pelosi Newsom's late aunt's former sister-in-law.

And, if you're the National Republican Congressional Committee, this explains everything.