Gorgeous Aston Martin, Pontiac Collide, Wedge Tightly in Parking Garage Entrance. Fire Department, Cops, Paramedics, National Guard Come Running.

Joe Eskenazi

The Aston Martin is James Bond's vehicle of choice. But nothing like this ever happened to 007.

​When a bevy of fire trucks, ambulances, and squad cars noisily descended upon the China Basin building moments ago, we thought Laura Ling and Euna Lee had come home on the Concorde and were visiting the old neighborhood. Nope. It turns out a pair of drivers had decided to re-enact Dale Earnhardt and Sterling Marlin's fateful impact during the 2001 Daytona 500. Luckily, this collision occurred in a parking garage entrance, and both cars were still in first gear. One of the vehicles, however, was priced like a race car.

The sight of a pair of automobiles wedged so tightly together that you couldn't have poured a glass of egg nog between them is unusual. That one of the cars was an Aston Martin D89 -- top speed: 186 mph; estimated value: $150,000 -- made it even more surreal. This was of little solace to the San Francisco police officer who showed up. The young cop took one look at the scene and, poof! His patience was already shot. "You know this is totally stupid, right?" he shouted at the driver of both the Aston and the Pontiac wedged tightly beside it. "This is private property and I am not making a stupid report about this."

The many firefighters who showed up were more amused, however. "Awesome!" shouted one middle-aged fireman wielding a pick axe. "They were probably watching The Fast and the Furious."

Joe Eskenazi

The number of firefighters present soon neared the fire marshal's limit for the structure...

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That same firefighter suggested that "the guy with the cheaper car should pull out." And that's just what happened. The Pontiac driver drew the ire of the rescue and law-enforcement personnel by initially refusing to hang up his phone, which resulted in a chorus of voices compelling him to do so. He moved backwards slowly; the friction of the two vehicles emitted a sound resembling something you'd overhear at a lumber mill.

Both vehicles ended up resembling the aftermath of all too many Muni journeys of late. A paramedic sliced a panel off the Aston Martin that was dangling by one thin wire. "Give it back to the guy," said the clever firefighter. "That piece is probably worth 500 bucks."

Joe Eskenazi

'Give it back to the guy. That piece is probably worth 500 bucks.'

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Both drivers gave the harried police officer conflicting stories. The Aston motorist said there was no way he'd be racing through a narrow portal in a car worth more than a Vallejo home. He said he was moving along at a normal pace for a parking garage when the Pontiac driver, who'd been parked to his right, accelerated rapidly. The cars jammed and the Aston driver said his adversary then threatened physical violence.

The Pontiac driver -- who claimed he had a bad back and wanted to go to the hospital -- said that the Aston man had been honking at him malevolently before speeding around him to the left. "He ran me off the road!" the Pontiac man said repeatedly. Conveniently, the Pontiac driver already had a pair of crutches at the ready in his back seat.

Joe Eskenazi

The Pontiac driver came prepared

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Both men said they would be exonerated by the footage caught on the security camera. SF Weekly put in a request with a pair of building managers to see that video as well. We're not counting on it (Full disclosure: SF Weekly is a tenant at this building and accepted a cup of coffee at the last tenant appreciation party).

As the two cars separated, the fire fighters -- and there were a lot of them -- shook their heads ruefully. "I guess our 10 rigs can get on with other business," said one of them.

You never know -- perhaps a Maybach or a Bentley are jammed in parking garages elsewhere. Preferably against one another.