Would-Be Noe Valley Burglar Unclear on the Concept: Steal Item *and* Leave With It
There's a world of difference between intricate, Oceans 11-style heists and the Neanderthal-approved methods of, say, the River Rock Burglar.
Leaving the premises with your ill-gotten gains is an important step for every successful burglar
That being said, the concept of being a burglar is relatively simple: You enter other people's property, liberate their possessions, and then leave. On Wednesday, a Noe Valley miscreant seems to have aced the first two requirements, but stumbled on the third.
A resident on the 500 block of Duncan Street arrived back home to find his front door kicked in (An "A" for requirement No. 1 -- enter someone else's property). A quick search revealed that the interloper had made off with a flat-screen television (So far, so good). But as for requirement No. 3 -- the would-be burglar gets a big, fat "F."
The resident located his missing television on a nearby staircase where, according to the subsequent police report, the burglar-turned-mover "fled, after apparently being unable to take it."
As written, the police report's notion that the miscreant was "unable to take it" could be interpreted two ways: He was physically unable to remove the television or simply couldn't hack it in his or her chosen field of burglardom.
Both seem to be accurate.
Photo | Nottingham CDP.