L-Taraval Thief Gives Advanced Course on How to Not Be a Successful Criminal

Being overly specific when telling the cops what you didn't do is one hell of a giveaway...

I've told this story before on this page, but, you know, it warrants repeating:

When I was about two or so, my younger cousin and I were playing in a broom closet. My aunt opened the door -- and boy was she pissed. My cousin had crapped his pants.

Immediately he said, "Joe did it! Joe did it!"

My aunt replied, "If Joe did it, why is it in your pants?"

Which leads to the corralling of a brazen thief on the L-Taraval Monday. As a boyfriend and girlfriend sat on the train, a man yanked the headphones out of the woman's iPod and fled the vehicle. The couple gave chase, inducing the thief to toss the headphones into the street and keep running. At this point, the San Francisco Police Department joined the fray -- and the miscreant uttered something incredibly stupid.

When an officer noticed the suspect wandering in the leafy median between Sunset Boulevard and 37th Avenue near St. Ignatius High, the accused robber attempted to hide under parked cars. When this move failed he had his "why is it in your pants?" moment -- he bellowed to the officer, unprompted, "I didn't take that lady's headphones."

The suspect was booked for robbery -- probably a more pleasant outcome than incurring the wrath of my aunt after befouling her broom closet, by the way.