Shocking: Nude Event NOT Taking Place in San Francisco
Skinny-dipping, a wholesome tradition as old as mankind and frequently honored in art and movies, celebrates the natural joy of plunging into water without hindrance of clothing.I'm not familiar with any famous paintings of skinny dipping (Ed.: Don't tell Thomas Eakins that!) nor have I ever felt particularly "hindered" by the few inches of spandex I usually haul into the water with me, but then again, I'm not a self identified nudist, so I know not of the trials they suffer.
The AANR will be coordinating nude skinny dipping events all over the country on July 11 at 3 p.m. Eastern Time. "First time skinny-dippers" are welcome and "shyness can be accommodated." We're not really sure how, since in order to be counted as a participant, you must be fully nude. And I don't think you can be "fully nude" on the Honor System.
Anyhow, skinny dippers will be getting wet all over in no fewer than nine California locations, including just outside Sacramento and Castro Valley.
But not in San Francisco!
It seems tantamount to blasphemy to organize a national naked event and overlook San Francisco, which is quite possibly -- oh, okay, I'm throwing caution (and possibly several articles of clothing) to the wind and declaring it -- THE CAPITAL OF NAKED EVENTS. Maybe a skinny dip seems like small potatoes to a town that hosts Masturbatathons and naked bike rides, but rest assured, San Franciscans will get naked at the drop of a hat for just about anything.
It is possible that the AANR are Weatherists, eschewing our city for its temperamental climate? Weather reports speculate that the weather in S.F. on July 11 will be fair, with temperatures hitting a high of 68. So there is like, totally, a chance the sun might shine for like, 40 minutes that day (not consecutively, of course.) Or it might rain. Whatever. San Francisco doesn't need your wussy skinny dip, AANR!