San Francisco Pride: Who Applied For the Niftiest Sex Toy Patent? Someone From Our City Did. That's Right.

Categories: WTF?

San Franciscans have always been an innovative group. Both the slot machine and the Murphy Bed were created by denizens of our city. And a quick perusal of the the Google patent application shows that little has changed. Doing a word search for "San Francisco" turned up a number of inventions that reflect our city's unique and ... erm ... permissive character.

The above illustration above depicts a patent for "Modular Sex Toys and Sales Thereof." Basically, it's a drawing of how consumers could be assisted over the phone while purchasing  customizable sex toys so as to build the best phallus -- with a woman's head at its tip, or optional penguin and rabbit attachments.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the Bay has produced not one but two patents for facial prophylactics. The below example hails from Berkeley and lists one of its selling points to be that "the rim holds the shield taut enough to keep it outside the mouth elimnating gagging problems."


The second offering, patented by a San Franciscan, resembles a pair of sunglasses for the tongue. Your future's so bright, you've got to wear sheaths.


Dubbed Men's Anatomic Underwear/Swimwear,  this wee cozy for the male genitals hardly bears explanation. It was invented by someone with the improbable name of Squire Alligator, a person who has very strong feelings about the level of comfort that should be afforded by men's undergarments. The patent holder writes: "Because the brief is configured to reflect the contours of the genitals, it posesses unadulterated lines that house the genitals with a never-before-achieved attractiveness by allowing their natural carriage and masculine style to be expressed in a way that reflects their own image."
Finally, someone has turned their attention to the long standing problem of men's underwear and how it stifles the ability of the penis and testes to adequately express their "masculine style!"

My Voice Nation Help

Now Trending

From the Vault


©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.