Rating of State's Filthiest Beaches Set To Be Released Tomorrow -- But Here's How S.F. Is Doing In Realtime

Beach bummed...

At a press conference Wednesday on Alameda's Crown Beach, members of the environmental outfit Heal the Bay will release their 2009 Beach Report card, grading the state's 500 beaches from A to F based upon the levels of harmful bacterial infestation. (The site of the announcement is either fitting or ironic based upon what the environmentalists say; locals grew up regarding Crown Beach as the place where all the detritus from San Francisco washes up).

The official grades -- and listing of the state's 10 most putrid beaches -- is embargoed until tomorrow. But, lucky for those of us who need to swim in the ocean now, Heal the Bay keeps meticulous week-by-week ratings of hundreds of beaches, including 17 in San Francisco (Did you know there were 17 beaches in this city?).

So, here's the good news: 14 of the S.F. beaches receive an A or A+ grade when it comes to not being infested with harmful bacteria. The bad news: Fort Funston (by the Lake Merced Overflow) gets a gentleman's B while a pair of Ocean Beach locales (by Pacheco and by Vicente) out-and-out flunk.

Is swimming in either of these locales a surefire ticket to the emergency room? Not exactly. But, as the site notes, "One in 25 beachgoers will get sick swimming or surfing in polluted water near a flowing storm drain. Many D and F beaches are near these outfalls. Other poorly performing beaches are frequently near piers or in enclosed marinas and harbors with poor circulation. Simply put, the lower the grade, the greater the risk of getting sick."

By the way, without beating around the bush any longer, the bacteria Heal the Bay is measuring for is, pretty much, shit. It may emanate from sewer pipes or septic systems; rainfall may carry animal dung right into the water, or boat operators may purge their toilet systems illegally. But when you swim in low-rated areas, you ought to know what you're paddling through.

What can you do? Wait three days after a rainstorm before swimming in the ocean or Bay and  don't swim within 100 yards of a storm drain outlet -- or this may happen.

Check back here tomorrow at 10:30 a.m., by the way, for the updated shebangabang -- including the much-anticipated list of the state's cleanest and dirtiest beaches.