'San Francisco's Bill O'Reilly'? If You Say So, Ms. Blue. 'Screen writer'? Definitely Not.

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Nope. No screen on this radio.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't do this.

I know that paying any attention to Violet Blue's adolescent diatribe du jour ("Hey! You're not publicly affirming my sexuality enough! You're not a good San Franciscan! Teacher! Make them publicly affirm my sexuality until they're good San Franciscans!") will only depress her, and then she'll write about being depressed, and then we all suffer.

But I'm baffled. Ranting about SF Weekly, Matt Smith, and me, she accused me of being a "failed screenwriter."

A what?

Where did that come from?

I've never written a screenplay. I've never tried to write a screenplay. The closest I've come is saying "That would make a great movie!" once in a while.

So I can't help it. I'm asking. Huh?

My best guess is: I have written for radio and Web-audio, and Violet thought those were movies.

Back in the day -- practically another life -- I wrote and produced a fund-raising spot that aired nationally on All Things Considered; I wrote a script for the Sci-Fi Channel's Seeing Ear Theatre called The Oblivion Syndrome (Harlan Ellison apparently loved it -- but those bastards changed the ending without consulting me!); I had several comedy pieces air on a syndicated public radio program called The Radio Works; and, yes, Violet, I did write an audio comedy called The Adventures of Stark Rock: Manly Detective At Large, which gets produced now and then.

Is that where this "screenwriter" thing came from? Because those are all audio. No screen involved.

Is it possible to get a correction? Because "failed screenwriter" isn't an opinion -- it's a factual inaccuracy.

But then, the whole premise of this non-controversy is inaccurate. If Violet Blue and the legions of the outraged really can't tell the difference between genuine right-wingers and SF Weekly, then they're not so much "sex-positive" as "brain negative."

That might be a bigger problem.

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