Dolla Bill Ya'll: You Can Buy Some Really Strange Stuff in the Mission for a Buck

High School Musical 3 came out in October of last year and its marketing flotsam and jetsam has since drifted into a dollar store near you. Want a Zac Efron night-light? A HSM3 sticker set, pencil case, box of tissues? The discount stores strung between 26th and 16th Streets on Mission have a plethora to choose from. You can also stock up on Jesus nightlights, Jesus laundry bags, Jesus wall-hangings and Jesus bath towels. In dollar stores, Jesus and St. Efron are available in abundance. But the things I love in dollar stores are not simply the things snapped up for kitsch value (Okay, so there's a fluffy kitty and unicorn poster in your future, but really, that's just a good shopping tip-off). A few of my favorite things are the truly weird items that can be snapped up for mere change. Here is a sampler of what can be plumbed from the dollar stores on a random Wednesday afternoon.

It is largely agreed upon that women shouldn't douche. You definitely shouldn't douche with strawberry-scented douche. You most certainly certain douche with a two-for-one strawberry douche obtained for a dollar.

Somewhere in this veil is the premise for an entire article in a ladymag. To whit: "Pair a discount veil with a second-hand Vera Wang and no one will be the wiser!" Also, the veil apparently creates a glowing, urine-yellow corona of Happy around the demure, frugal bride.
Because you are definitely not paying for the packaging.
A liberal decorator's dream: For this price, you can wallpaper your house with the grinning image of the Obama family.
We have now transgressed into the truly bizarre (and totally awesome) world of Dollar Store Figurines. Pictured above, a grinning, aged, Accountant Angel seems to be presiding over A Boy's First Sexually Confusing Experience while a Dispassionate Formal Umpire Does the Hand Jive.
"I am a minion from Hell and this is my Cobra Army."
And finally, a tale as old as time: Two toddlers get married inside a giant grilled cheese sandwich.
Dollar stores are like Mecca for ironic decorators.
You can't really tell in this picture, but this disturbing piece of interspecies romance is made all the more bizarre by the fact that the frog is also wearing a whorey swath of red lipstick. SF Weekly editors: Guess what you're getting for Christmas????

And, finally, for all the Goths in your life: Gothic Chic candles. When you burn them, they smell like tears and Trapper Keepers covered in Cannibal Corpse stickers.